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When it comes to physical touch between straight men, you have many options. Fist bumps, handshakes, high fives, you name it. But how often do you see two grown men hug? If you are living the United States, not too often. Because as we were all taught in middle school, that’s gay.
Apart from being homophobic and asinine, the stigma around intimacy and platonic warmth between men has resulted in a culture where men do not receive the levels of kindness and support that they need from one another. Hugs provide not only joy and comfort, but they show a tenderness that is emblematic of a deeper level of caring. Take that care away, and we leave men with a culture where they shake hands with even their fathers, thereby stripping them any semblance of masculine loving and reassurance.
By allowing and encouraging men to hug each other, we are not only tearing down the remnants of internalized homophobia. We are also freeing men to give and receive love in a radical and open way. This will lead to more compassion, generosity, and sweetness among our next generation of fathers, friends, and partners.
As we step into a new year, think critically about how you greet, congratulate, and support the people around you. Are you hugging the women and shaking hands with the guys? This points to something deeper than simply personal preference.
Give yourself permission to hug the men in your life. Forgive yourself for the embarrassment you feel when they meet your hug with surprise and reluctance the first time. Finally, congratulate yourself for doing the difficult work of changing your habits and making thoughtful choices.
Better yet, give yourself a big ol’ hug. You deserve it.
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Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood
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Photo courtesy iStock.