There’s a saying in Mexico.
El que no arriesga, no gana.
He who doesn’t take risks doesn’t win.
But in my quiet corner of the Mexican state of Oaxaca, life, for the most part, is slow-paced and tranquil.
There’s no need for risks if you’re comfortable living the daily routine.
Work hard Monday through Saturday and enjoy your family on Sunday. Live in the house your grandfather built on your family’s land. And occasionally celebrate your town’s patron saint with a parade, live ranchera music, and some cold chelas.
That’s life for most of the men here.
It’s a fulfilling life for a simple family man.
If you’re happy earning enough to feed your kids and buy the occasional gift for your wife, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
But for those with higher material aspirations, like a big house, a new truck, or plane tickets and a hotel room in Cancun, the local pay isn’t going to cut it.
That’s when reality sets in and you start to evaluate your options.
- Continue living a quiet lifestyle with your necessities met.
- Take a risk by sacrificing time with your family in exchange for a chance at making the big bucks in “El Norte.”
The ultimate decision depends on your definition of success.
Success is whatever you want it to be
It comes down to your perspective on what it means to “win.”
For the majority, societal conditioning and economic pressures define a “winner” as someone who earns enough money to provide the material goods demanded at home.
It’s a normal part of modern-day living. What kind of man doesn’t want to be able to buy his kids birthday presents and provide them with financial security?
But winning can mean many things.
It’s a win when you watch your child take their first steps.
It’s a win when you show your kid how to ride a bike or mount a horse.
It’s a win when you can hug your wife and tell her that everything’s going to be okay.
Success needs to be something that you define for yourself on your terms by listening to your heart.
It’s not the choice; it’s the vision
Can you blame a man for wanting more?
There’s nothing wrong with not settling with what you have.
You’re entitled to make choices that get you closer to that vision in your mind.
The choice isn’t the problem; it’s the vision.
When a man chooses to leave his home and family in Oaxaca and make the long journey north to the “promised land,” it’s a respected decision.
It’s the intention behind the decision that leads to an even greater dilemma than the choice itself.
Are you leaving to provide your family with some financial security and then returning to provide them with your presence?
Or are you leaving to prove yourself to someone? To fulfill a pre-programmed understanding of what it means to be a man? To satisfy a yearning for adventure?
To make money and equate it with your family’s happiness?
Your intentions influence your reality
Many men see a gringo walking down the street, and they want to relive their past experiences.
I’ve talked to countless men about their time in the United States and how it changed their lives.
This is what I’ve observed.
Some men leave but make the conscious decision only to work for a short time before returning to their families.
Other men leave but have other intentions.
These men come back to divorce fillings. Their children don’t speak to them. They live in the past and hold a heavy burden.
But their original intention wasn’t to reunite with their family. It wasn’t to bring joy to their wife or laugh with their children around the dinner table.
Before you risk it all to “win,” know what “win” is
Either way, it’s a sacrifice.
You stay in Oaxaca and live without certain things.
You leave Oaxaca and risk losing your family.
Many men want the best of both worlds. They want to limit the amount of time away from their family and bring back some material comfort.
It’s possible. It has been done.
But these men set a clear intention and refuse temptations coming at them from all sides. They stay focused on the thing that matters most. Their family’s well-being.
These men and their experiences are a testament to the power of intention.
They risk with awareness and win with grace.
That’s the way it’s done.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
