Chasing the Dragon With a Pen

All I want to do is write.

I want to sip my coffee, check on my kids — leave my kisses all over their faces, and frantically tap away on my keyboard in my sweatpants and no bra.

I want to feel the sweet rush of oxytocin while I hit that green “publish” button all. day. long.

But alas, I started a new (extensive but rewarding) adventure in my Healthcare journey — Phlebotomy.

Fuck my life.

Anyone else out there who has made it through a venipuncture program (and shares the ‘fml’ sentiment), please tell me that I’m not going to die from mental/physical exhaustion, blood loss, or a stress-induced myocardial infarction.

Thank you, kindly.

As you can see — my relationship with Phlebotomy is on the fritz right now. Because some days, I love it. Finding the “good veins” and seeing the flash of blood come through the butterfly needle is just what the doctor ordered — literally. It’s the perfect mini-oxytocin hit my hypothalamus is craving.

Other days, I want to flip my draw table over, snap off my gloves and kick rocks.

Life is stressful.

Going through a divorce is merciless, to put it lightly. And going for a Phlebotomy certification is the icing on that torturous cake. But for what feels like the umpteenth time this year, I’m doing what I do best; getting up when life knocks me down and smiling in anyone’s face that tries to convince me I can’t.

…

I am not a fan of the phrase “I don’t have time to…”, but with Phlebotomy coursework, I really don’t have time. I’m sitting here typing this quick check-in to you all and can’t stop thinking about how I should be studying. The median cubital veins in the antecubital fossa are the first choice for a blood draw — in case you were wondering. I should at least be writing up some Progress Notes on fictional patients with fictional aliments.

Ahhh!

Speaking of time, back in the day (when it was on my side), I’d settle in with a few ice-cold diet Pepsi’s, a handful of strawberry Twizzlers, and a crappy copy of Gia on VHS. The movie Gia is a 1998 biography about the 1980’s American supermodel Gia Marie Carangi played by Angelina Jolie. The copy I had of the movie was decently dubbed, but as we all know, the quality when VHS tapes deteriorate over time when they get played a ba-gillion times.

What can I say? Angelina Jolie was my girl when I was a teenager.

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“Chasing the dragon, are you?

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh no, it works, it works. A little death around the eyes.”

‘Chasing the dragon’ is a Cantonese slang phrase that originated in Hong Kong referring to inhaling the vapor from a heated solution from morphine, heroin, oxycodone, opium, or ya ba (tablets containing a mixture of methamphetamine and caffeine)

The ‘chasing the dragon’ line always stuck with me. Not as memorable as the love scene between Gia and Linda, played by Elizabeth Mitchell, but this is not that kind of article.

Maybe next time.

*wink*

…

For months now, I’ve done a bang-up job of balancing my school work, regular work, kids, playing my guitar, cooking breakfast, lunch, dinner, laundry, and going to the gym. Finally, I had found my rhythm. Other than a few breakdowns here and there, the days have been running quite smoothly. And we all know what that means, thanks to Greek Philosopher, Heraclitus:

“Change alone is unchanging.” Or, in other words, “Change is the only constant.”

Yes, that.

Believe me, with the long mind-boggling hours I’ve been putting into Phlebotomy class; there is no mistaking the “death around my eyes.” It feels like I will never be done with school. It’s often overwhelming to think about. But “I just have to get through this class” is what I keep telling myself each time I start up a new curriculum. I know I’ll make more time to write during summer break, and once I find my rhythm, I’ll be that spectacular plate-spinning mom, a powerhouse of woman, a spirited writer, and a straight “A” student again.

In the meantime, I feel like an addict, fighting for her life not to give in to her drug of choice — the Medium platform.

That being said, my deepest sympathy (and no disregard) to the addicts out there (in or out of recovery). I have no idea what it’s like to be you.

I’m just a girl chasing a dragon with a pen.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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