Even if you think nothing can be worse than one partner cheating on another in a relationship, I will have you know there is something that is just as bad. It is that thing professor and New York Times best-selling author, Brené Brown, sees as damaging to the very roots from which love grows-disrespect!
We all know that respect is one of the vital pillars upon which healthy and fulfilling relationships stand. Yet, despite this fundamental importance, issues of disrespect persist as a detrimental force eroding the very foundations of relationships. Thus, while infidelity may be more commonly acknowledged as a serious transgression, disrespect carries its own weight of consequence and inflicting grave wounds upon the recipient.
The signs of disrespect in relationships
Within a relationship, disrespect can manifest in many forms, ranging from the obvious to the more subtle instances of disregard for a partner’s feelings, opinions, or boundaries. Of course, the obvious signs like ridicule, condescending remarks, or other forms of verbal abuse are pretty easy to identify.
Such behavior clearly shows a lack of regard for the worth and dignity of the partner on the receiving end, and as you can already guess, it will most definitely erode the sense of mutual respect and equality that is essential for sustaining a healthy and balanced partnership.
“While infidelity may be more commonly acknowledged as a serious transgression, disrespect carries its own weight of consequence and inflicting grave wounds upon the recipient.”
However, there are also other subtler signs the experts say are the not-so-obvious signs your partner is disrespecting which, you need to know before you get to a point where you can not even tell if you are being disrespected.
7 under-the-radar signs you should look out for:
- withdrawing during serious talks;
- bringing up sensitive issues at inconvenient moments;
- crowding personal space instead of giving time to cool off;
- speaking with a biting tone;
- ignoring a partner’s hobbies or passions;
- breaching trust by disclosing confidential information; and
- always demanding priority no matter what.
Disrespect vs. Infidelity: which is really worse
Contrary to the belief that disrespect is a lesser offense when compared to infidelity, its impact on the affected partner, however, can be just as devastating.
True, infidelity shatters trust and can undermine the cheated partner’s sense of self-worth, and create a toxic environment, but constant exposure to disrespectful behavior can also chip away at one’s self-esteem, leaving the disrespected partner feeling devalued, powerless, and undeserving of respect or consideration. Over time, it results in perpetuating a cycle of emotional abuse and crippling psychological distress.
The effects of constant disrespect in a relationship can also seep into various aspects of a person’s life:
- it can breed resentment and hostility;
- it hinders effective communication and undermines efforts to resolve conflicts constructively;
- because disrespectful behavior hinders conflict resolution, therefore fuels conflicts and escalates tensions within the relationship;
- prolonged exposure can contribute to the development of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety; and
- a person begins to lose respect for themselves, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth.
This last point is perhaps the saddest effect of being exposed to prolonged disrespectful behavior: another person’s opinions negatively affect your internal perception of yourself.
The verdict
Infidelity may be more commonly recognized as a grave breach of trust within a relationship, but the issue of disrespect warrants equal consideration due to its far-reaching impact on the affected partner. Disrespect obviously will undermine any sense of mutual respect and equality within the relationship, and that is in addition to eroding the disrepected’s sense of self-worth and dignity and perpetuating a cycle of emotional abuse and psychological distress.
Dealing with the issue of disrespect
Disrespectful behavior if allowed to go on in a relationship can have serious consequences hence the need to act quickly:
1.First of all you need to recognize and openly acknowledge all the instances of disrespect within the relationship, and confront them directly with your partner preferably in an environment where you both feel safe to express your feelings and concerns without fear of judgment.
2.If a partner is made to understand that their behavior is disrespectful and is willing to change, it would certainly make the concerted effort required to establish a culture of mutual respect possible. However, both partners will need to make a commitment to making that environment one where understanding, empathy, and validation of each other’s experiences and emotions reign. Empathy and validation help entrench a deep sense of mutual understanding and respect.
3.Establishing clear boundaries and expectations, and communicating them regularly, regarding respectful behavior will also help prevent future recurrences of the behavior. It is advisable that you follow your inner compass in setting these boundaries to include what you will and will not tolerate.
4.You may also need to consider seeking the guidance of a professional to help address underlying issues because those issues could be contributing to disrespectful behavior within your relationship. A qualified professional will help you develop healthy communication skills and conflict-resolution strategies to address them.
“Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.” — Brené Brown
5.All in all, put your own emotional well-being first. For instance by engaging in self-care activities that promote relaxation, and stress relief. This will help you maintain a healthy sense of self-worth and assertiveness. To this end, you can also reach out to trusted family and friends for support and perspective because sometimes an outside perspective can provide the insights and guidance you need to address your situation.
6.Finally, you may need to reassess the relationship. If the behavior shows no sign of abating despite all the efforts to address it, you should give this serious thought. No one deserves to be in a relationship that is characterized by disrespect Therefore. it may be necessary to consider ending the relationship if all efforts to address the issue are unsuccessful.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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