Chemistry is feeling attracted to someone based on features that would not guarantee your success as ideal partners. It can be looks, achievements, common interests, anything. Chemistry does not demand digging deeper to understand whether the other person would make a great partner for you.
I have friends that I enjoy a hell lot with, we go out, we dance, and we have fun conversations, but I cannot imagine them being my partner because I am not sure if I would want to be with them every day.
I love to read and these friends do not and for me, it is a deal breaker because I would want to read with my partner. That is a standard for me.
You might have guessed by now that compatibility is subjective. But in short, it is the idea of you being with the person you can spend the rest of your life with. It is not just about having someone you can come home to, but someone who makes your life more interesting, someone who can be your partner in crime. A best friend for life! There can be some areas of differences, and more often than not, there are, but the idea is to explore enough to find someone with whom you can minimize these differences.
I have seen a lot of people who do not explore much. I think that is a problem. There are plenty of people out there, go and talk. You can find your ideal partner anywhere (on a bus stand, on a dating app, at a friend’s party, on Instagram, in a book store…the world truly is your oyster!)
Ideal does not mean similar, ideal means least different. Start exploring until you find someone who checks all the items on your list and if not all, most items on your list.
How to judge if you are compatible with someone
1. You do not want to change them
If there are some qualities about the other person that gives you an urge to change them (you believe you are helping them improve), it is a sign of incompatibility. You must like the person for who they are, right when you have met them. You should not be with them with the hope of future improvement.
2. You can imagine a future with them
Talk about their future vision on the initial dates. If the other person wants to spend their life traveling around the world and you would like to live in a neighborhood with friends and family, you are signing yourself up for non-solvable conflict. Make sure that your dreams and goals provide space for the dreams and goals of the other person without feeling like you are compromising too much. If that is not true, it is a sign of incompatibility.
If you have to pretend to be someone you are not to get along with the other person, it is not a match. You must feel comfortable with who you are in your ideal relationship.
Example: If you hate literature but you are pretending to like it, you do not like Bollywood music and you are not being honest about it, you love WWE but you are acting as if you don’t, you believe in destiny but you say you do not, and etc.
The relationship must bring you closer to who you want to become as a person. You must grow together and help each other progress towards growth. If the relationship is sapping the energy out of you or you have to sacrifice your big dreams, choose better while you have a chance at that! Getting out of a relationship is not easy, so choose wisely beforehand.
5. You fight well
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. What you need to focus on is how you both deal with it. The only purpose of conflict should be mutual understanding. If that is not the case for you, it might be a sign of incompatibility.
6. You don’t need them, but want them
Distance is very important in any relationship. You must be comfortable with not always having your partner around. In your galaxy of life, your partner must be just one planet and not the entire galaxy! If you can happily spend some time away from one another, it is a good sign for the long-term success of the relationship.
Thanks for reading.
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Check out my other pieces on relationships and life here: Bhanu Singhal
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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