Children are family upgrades.
Children breathe renewed promise into the American family dream. Each successive generation develops a deeper rooted, more expansive desire to not only learn from our parents’ mistakes but to capitalize on all their hard-won success. Ensuring all of their office schlepping to New Jersey, relentlessly dreary east coast winters, and same old corporate shit taking sandwiches were stomached for the promise of bigger, better and brighter tomorrows for their children.
Children are family upgrades, especially for unusual artist families like the Arquette’s for instance. (My family hasn’t achieved this level of fame just yet.)
Children are family upgrades for your snuggling forties as a pleasant respite from your out of control, lucky to get out of LA alive, swinging twenties.
Children are family upgrades because they illuminate what empty filler your cherished IPA’s were after all.
Children are family upgrades for tears of an ex-recruiter clown. Who, in his first year as an IT headhunter in LA, burned more bridges than Godzilla.
(Children are family upgrades because I’ll make sure my son understands the concept of commission before he accepts his 1st sales job for beggar’s pay.)
Children are family upgrades for the veneer of securing your “good guy non-divisive” stature on LinkedIn in the hopes of scoring future employment to prevent them from starving to death.
Children are family upgrades for giving your brain a long overdue break from the weed:
Dada, if God created the universe, who created God?
God went back in time, in a time machine made by Elon Musk.
Real convincing, Dad. Thanks for making me an Atheist at 4.
Children are family upgrades because all 3 kids of mine are automatic fans. And it’s my job to keep it this way forevermore.
Children are family upgrades for allowing me to graduate from Hendrix to Mahler. And the chance to re-raise myself as a classically trained baby, like Eddie Van Halen and Randy Rhodes.
Children are family upgrades because my Dad says with flippant, defeated disgust: We’re not the Waltons.
So in other words, let’s not pretend we’re capable of improving our know it all behavior on your behalf?
Children are family upgrades because my mother professed in the form of a letter zero interest in my writing career.
Why? Because she was a banker and her dad never asked for any JP Morgan stock tips?
Children are family upgrades that allow you to end the long-standing tradition of playing favorites.
Children are family upgrades because I know for a fact that I’ll never allow my shoulders to collapse as any of my children come in for a hug, regardless of my opinions on how they should be living their only 1 trip to live lives.
Children are family upgrades because they inspired me to create yummier, healthier meals so my offspring don’t become sloths reared on P&J sandwiches without any taste of the good life.
Children are family upgrades because each birthday I celebrate being born again as a more loving, evolved humanist.
Children are for creating richer, fuller dreams to impregnate with greater doer possibility.
Children are for dream catching.
Children are for infinite joy because God hooked you up for refusing to give up on doing you.
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