You know the feeling of waking up and not knowing where you are or what day it is? Your eyes are still adjusting to see while you try to figure out what time it is and where you are. The blur of the room clears and you’re at home in your bed. Such a strange feeling.
Day 42 of shelter in place feels a whole lot like not knowing where I am. Any conception of time has become null and void. It doesn’t mean much these days. I wake up hoping today will be the day we get a glimmer of hope, some sort of light at the end of the tunnel, but nothing more than “do not ingest disinfectants.”
I try to watch the news or a show looking for an escape to the “outside” world. The reality is, there isn’t one My world is in my home with my family. I didn’t have two kids climbing all over a couple of months ago when I was allowed to go to the gym. I didn’t have to lock the door and mute myself while yelling, “babe come get the kids,” at the same time trying to participate in a simple zoom meeting just so I can touch base with some friends. I wasn’t filming myself impersonating Joe Exotic or Forrest Gump, but since I’m stuck at home and the wife is building an Instagram following for the dog, I had to pitch in. Things were a lot different, that’s for sure.
I have watched my 2 daughters spin out and regress in areas due to lack of school and social contact with friends. The ups and downs of these uncertain times have sparked many emotions in our home. I have held my oldest daughter a handful of times while she cries about how much she misses school, seeing her friends, and how unfair it is that this coronavirus took her normal life away. I wish I could make it better for them. I wish I could give them back their world.
Even though they are small, they have emotions just as big as ours. While we are worrying about finances and how things are going to look on the other side of this, they are worried about their friends and how others are doing during this time. What a beautiful perspective they can offer when I am willing to pay attention. If I try to see life through their eyes, maybe then I can be in gratitude.
I make efforts to pause in the chaos of our “shelter-in-place” life and breath it all in. I can look at all I have around me in any moment and choose to be grateful for it or not. Instead of envying my single friends who can do whatever they want with their time, I can choose to be grateful for the gifts that are my children and all they teach me. Teaching my kids school sucks. I’m just going to say it because it does. And yes, I do wake every day like Bill Murray in Groundhogs Day, looking at the clock wanting to smash it.
I can choose to look at what I don’t have and focus on all that is going wrong in the day, or I can take a few steps in my daughters’ shoes and try to see all the good in our life and the world. I tell my kids often, “this will all be ok, things will go back to normal again. It just may take some time.” As their parent it is my job to reassure them and provide as much security as I can. Little do they know they are really the ones reassuring me, giving me hope for our world and future by being the special little people they are.
This pandemic is awful. Countless lives have been lost and many more will die before it ends. This is the grim fact of life right now. Disheartening as that sounds, I still do have to trust that this too shall pass. We will make it through this to the other side. We will wake up soon and know that we are back in our beds where we belong. This will all be a blip in our lifetime and a story to tell in years to come, so long as we see this through. We have to stay the course. We can choose to embrace it for all it has to offer, or fight it for everything it doesn’t. I haven’t embraced every day perfectly, but I have made some of the best memories with my family in a long time. Today I choose to embrace everything as it comes and be grateful for everything I do have.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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