We have all been there – you know what you are hearing is wrong, and you are deciding whether the issue is worth addressing in that particular moment. In a world full of disagreement and micro-aggressions (as well as macro-aggressions), it can be tough to know whether your dissent is nit-picky or needed in any given situation. By establishing clear moral boundaries for yourself, you can start reducing the amount of regret you feel while ensuring that the times you do choose to speak up are worth it.
With so much ignorance constantly swirling around us, it is tempting to latch onto everything, especially if we are leaning into the ideals of allyship and activism. The major caveat here is that if we spend too much time correcting people and doubling down, we risk not only burning ourselves out but also missing some larger and more important conversations. The key to knowing when and where to speak up versus making a mental note (perhaps to circle back later) lies in knowing yourself. Some people have the energy and patience to call out every behavior they view as harmful, but most of us will need to let some phrases slide, particularly if this allows us to tackle a larger problem.
Take conversations around ableism, where I draw a hard line on the r-word (retard/retarded) – regardless of the context, it is something that I personally feel the need to address every time. However, phrases like “special needs” or “disabled people” force me to make a split-second choice. I can chime in with “we say ‘people with disabilities’ nowadays” as I often do, or I can sit it out and respond instead to the main idea of what the other person is saying, which is often a bigger fish to fry.
These decisions of when to pounce and when to pause are dynamic and fluid based on a myriad of factors, but it is critical to set rules for yourself that are consistent with your values. Better to stay engaged and outspoken than reticent and regretful, but at the end of the day, you will have to live with your choices. Life will continue presenting you with chances to do what is right – it is up to you to make the most of them.
—
Photo by Danny Lines on Unsplash