Clear Signs Your Trust Issue Is About to Destroy Your Relationship

“I sabotaged my relationship — again”

Huft.

Said a friend of mine one day. Just a couple of months ago that she told me she was so happy with this guy she met on Bumble.

And then her chronic trust issue took over and she started accusing him of cheating (with no real proof) and eventually blowing it all up.

In her defense, she doesn’t want to get cheated again. Fair enough, but there must be a way of expressing that fear without sabotaging your relationship right?

People with trust issues often freak out when they feel like everything’s going so well; no fight, madly in love with each other, and their partner showing enough affection.

And before they know it, they start acting up and doing stupid things that lead to destroying their own relationship.

They neglect the signs over and over again. 10 years down the line, they’re still losing and the good people have left.

Don’t be like them. Catch the signs earlier.

You entertain your insecurity by keep making wrong assumptions about your partner

There’s a reason why experts/therapist tells you communication is key to a healthy relationship. But for people with trust issues, this is expectedly harder to do.

Instead of communicating what you’re insecure about, you choose to pick fights.

You choose to jump to the conclusion and think your partner is only there to hurt you. He/she doesn’t care about your feelings because maybe, in your head, your partner’s looking for someone new.

While it’s normal to have that fear of getting cheated on, it’s not normal when you don’t have the space to listen to what your partner’s about to say.

You don’t want to hear any explanations and are so confident that he/she is in the wrong.

It’s immature because being in a relationship means you need to respect what the other person takes and opinion. You don’t go ahead and conclude who’s right or wrong.

You snoop on your partner’s phone

Snooping isn’t only bad for your relationship, it’s also dangerous for your mental health.

It is still beyond me how many people still normalize this behavior thinking it’s not a big deal. It is.

Many relationships fail because one of them breaks the trust and trying to get it back isn’t as easy as flipping back your hand.

When you decide to snoop, rather than talk to your partner directly about what’s bothering you, it shows more of your insecurity and trust issues.

I wrote an article about everything you need to know about snooping and why it’s the fastest way to destroy your relationship. Read here.

You’re obsessed with knowing their whereabouts every single day

You know your trust issue has taken over the control when your day revolves around, “I wonder if he is with someone else right now”.

Or worse, “let me call him just to know what he’s up to out there by himself”.

You don’t genuinely care about your partner. You’re merely obsessed with feeding your trust issue.

You want to be sure that your partner isn’t doing some shady things behind your back right now.

Over time, it can be mentally draining.

Imagine having to think of the worst scenarios every single time your partner’s away from you.

On the other side, it’ll also be really hard for your partner to feel free in the relationship. It’s like walking on eggshells.

You no longer focus on your partner’s good traits

When I was dealing with chronic trust issues, it was hard for me to look at my partner’s good traits.

It felt easier to focus on what he could’ve done more. Instead of reminding myself how much he’s done for me.

Trust issues, if not treated right, can destroy everything you have with your partner because there’s no room for positivity and growth.

You’re stuck in this rabbit hole of trying to protect yourself from not being hurt; be it being lied to or cheated on.

But let’s be honest, we don’t have the power to make sure that someone will never cheat on us.

There’s an old saying, “if they want to cheat, they’ll cheat — no matter what you do to prevent it to happen.”

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Final Thoughts

The best way to work on trust issues is to seek professional help.

There’s no shame in admitting that we need help.

Many people I know are too scared to open up with strangers (like counselors/therapists) that they end up making the same mistake every time in their dating life.

Even working on your own by stopping yourself from sabotaging it even further still counts as effort.

While therapy can help you get to the root of the problems, at the end of the day, you also need to put in the work yourself.

This means lots of those new insights you got, you need to apply in your relationship.

Small things such as refusing to snoop on your partner’s phone, getting busy with your own life rather than obsessing with your partner’s whereabouts, and communicating your doubts directly.

It may take a long time until you’re fully secure and trust your partner. And some days it might feel like you aren’t progressing at all.

But trust me, nothing’s truly wasted when you decide to do some inner work.

Remember that just because you have a trust issue, that doesn’t mean your love life is doomed. You still deserve a healthy and secure relationship.

It only takes extra effort to get to that point.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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