At 20 years old, I was living alone in a city after graduating from college and starting a new job. I had dreams, like everyone. Big ones, small ones, outrageous ones. I loved my life. For the first few months of my newly found independence, I frequented the movie theater two to three times a week. I love movies, LOVE them. I love the surround sound, the visual effects, the seats, the smell of movie popcorn, the losing of myself in the fantasy of being a part of the movie, the escape from life for a few hours. I especially loved that I loved going to movies alone.
Being alone and being lonely are two very different things. At 20, I loved being alone in a movie theater. A short time later, I met the person I would later marry and divorce. With that change in circumstances, I stopped going to movies alone. As I look back on that now, I see that was the first step towards losing myself in another person. Flash forward 20 years…
Six years after making the decision to leave my marriage, I was finally able to acknowledge and accept the idea that my life was going to be very different upon filing the divorce papers. I found myself yearning for things inside me that had been buried for over 20 years of marriage.
As I started unearthing these aspects of myself, the first to be uncovered was my love of going to the movies by myself. This was such a revelation to me that I immediately shared this news with a friend. He promptly said “You can’t do that alone, I will go with you.” I sighed and agreed. I have long since learned not to give my power to someone else again as I did in the space of that 30 second conversation.
And now, tonight, after graduating college 26 years ago, after 20 years of marriage, after 4 years of being divorced, I just walked into a movie theater alone.
And guess what? I still love the surround sound, the visual effects, the seats, the smell of the popcorn, the anticipation of losing myself in the movie for 2 hours. I still love being alone in a movie theater.
In this movie theater, I have found a long, lost piece of myself.
I have discovered my own power.
I have come full circle.
Jill is the founder of Sunshine On Your Shoulder. A safe, non judgmental, non condemning space to express ones story, thoughts and feelings that offers assistance with the processing of them in an effort to celebrate, with you, all your soul needs to say. She also has a Facebook page and group with the same name.
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This is such a nice post. Thank you for writing this 🙂
Another great one, Jill. Thanks for your contribution.