I was scheduled to play a piano recital as part of a concert at my old school, and I was terrified. Music lessons were the only time I wasn’t bullied. I was a Grade 8 pianist, and my classmates were too busy befriending me to get the answers for various tests.
As I dealt with a stomach ache, I thought of everything that could go wrong. Perhaps the piano would break, or maybe I wasn’t good enough. I’d be playing before a semi-hostile crowd, and they might react with hostility.
It turned out I played well, and my mum and dad even noticed a few girls tapping their feet to the music. Girls wouldn’t look at me twice back then, but even they had to acknowledge I was good. After all, music was my respite from a cold world.
Creativity needs a strong imagination. Whether it’s music, art, writing, or sculpture, you must be guided by your imagination. You have to see the finished product before it’s produced. You need a well of ideas to tap into. Imagination is your ally.
But for many, our imagination is just as good at conjuring up nightmare scenarios, inhibiting us from achieving our dreams and keeping us in the shadows. In life, we die once, yet in our imagination, we die thousands of times.
What price are you willing to pay to succeed?
Many of the best fighters in MMA or Boxing aren’t the most imaginative people. If you could imagine everything that might go wrong from being punched in the head by another trained fighter with the power of an ox, you’d never agree to fight.
Yet for me, learning to fight was my way out of being bullied and my route to self-respect. Every week before Boxing or Karate training, my stomach would be doing the Bossa Nova. I had a particular fear about injuries to my eyes which wasn’t helped by my cornea getting scratched in training, a nasty accidental thumb in my eye, and a punch so hard it seemed like I went underwater for a while.
The way through this dilemma was to weigh up what I was risking and why. I’d have given anything not to be bullied. At my worst, I fell apart sobbing in the bathroom and vowed that I’d rather die than live like that. Any cost to my health was worth it to find my power.
Ask yourself what you’re willing to give up to succeed. What price are you ready to pay? It won’t stop your imagination from running wild, but when you have a “why,” you can withstand anything.
Beaten in Birmingham.
A few years ago, there was a wrestling match scheduled to take place in northern England. One of the wrestlers had a fierce reputation, and most of his potential opponents wouldn’t fight him.
On this occasion, he found a worthy enemy who was traveling by train for the fight. The problem was that this wrestler knew his opponent’s reputation. Every time the train stopped at a station, the wrestler became increasingly scared.
Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore. He got to Birmingham in the Midlands, turned around, and went home. But not before sending a message to his opponent saying, “Well done, you beat me in Birmingham.”
The fierce wrestler won the fight without moving a muscle. An overactive imagination had forced his opponent into retirement.
Ask yourself how many times you’ve been beaten in Birmingham. How often do you give up without even trying?
The day I stood up to a bully.
There was one solitary time when I stood up to a bully. For some reason, he had chosen to punch me on the arm repeatedly. Every time he walked past me, he would give me another dig. For two days, on the same arm, in the same spot.
At the time, I was petrified of confrontation and imagined what might happen if I stood up to him. His whole gang might attack me. I could see them punching me to the floor and putting me into a coma, where I’d awaken with brain damage.
I could see them stabbing me, jumping up and down on my head. I couldn’t take the risk. Maybe he would get bored, or I could find a way to appease him.
When it reached the third day, I snapped. Without conscious thought, I punched him square in the jaw. In stunned silence, he looked at me, rubbed his jaw, and told me I was dead.
I went home that night petrified. I braced myself for the next day. Nothing happened in the morning, but after lunch, he approached me. As he got closer, he put his arm out… and offered to shake my hand while apologizing.
I was elated. I’d overrode my imagination and stood up for myself, and it worked. The seeds were sown that day for me to grow and become my future self.
The lesson here is when push comes to shove, you can override your imagination. If you have children or other loved ones, it’s not hard to imagine doing something superhuman to protect them. In those moments, your imagination wouldn’t matter one bit.
Every victim is someone’s Amy.
When an overactive imagination is coupled with mental illness like PTSD, it can lead to dark places.
As a police officer, I saw many young women victimized, assaulted, and murdered. They all haunt me now because my imagination substitutes my partner Amy for these women.
I’ve seen Amy in my mind’s eye getting killed and brutalized in every way imaginable. Recently there have been several cases of women being stalked on their way home and murdered in the shadows. I find such cases unbearable now.
Sometimes I breathe a sigh of relief because Amy’s safe, and I didn’t know the victim. But that leads to a spiral of guilt because everyone is someone’s Amy. Someone somewhere is going through the very real agony of their loved one being murdered, and it feels wrong to be so glad that it doesn’t affect me personally.
Obsessive thoughts can take you down a rabbit hole of guilt and horror. If you’re like this, don’t try and bat the feelings away because they will always come back stronger. Allow yourself to feel them and rationalize them as much as possible. It’s ok to be relieved it isn’t your loved one that was killed. It’s the way of the world.
Creative blessing or a psychological curse?
An overactive imagination can be a creative blessing or a mental health curse. Let yourself feel what you feel without judgment.
Remind yourself of all the times the stakes were so high you acted without thinking. This shows how possible it is to override your imagination. Start tapping into that formidable power until it becomes second nature.
Most things are far worse in our mind’s eye than they ever could be in reality, so give everything your best shot. Failure brings its own lessons and pride in having tried something difficult. Don’t let yourself be “beaten in Birmingham.
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Previously Published on Medium
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