Couples: 8 Ways to End Arguments

How many arguments arise from a misunderstanding? From something left unsaid? From a misinterpreted silence?

A lot, if not all of them!

However, arguing is not something fatal, or normal as some cheap psychology magazines claim.

It can be avoided. It all comes down to communication. But be careful, communication isn’t just about talking; it’s much more than that, and we’ll show you how to ensure optimal communication within your relationship!

Yes, working for your well-being involves improving all aspects of your life, both personal and professional. So, to do this…

1. Consider the other as another precisely.

Generally speaking, we tend to project our doubts, desires, fears, and expectations onto others. However, your partner isn’t that; they are themselves. They have experienced things that provoke their reactions, just as they are, and for which you don’t necessarily know the underlying reasons. Don’t take everything as an attack. Don’t overreact.

Take a step back. What the other person says says as much about him/herself as his/her own words.

Put yourself in their shoes from time to time and try to see the scene from their point of view.

Also think about your own reactions. What motivates them?

Is there anything you could discuss with the other person so that they can understand you better?

Provide keys to understanding your behavior, you are not an open book either.

2. Share quality time.

Being in a relationship is not just about sharing a bed, a house.

Make time to do activities together, especially sports or activities that involve teamwork, communication, and trust. This is the best way to bond and understand each other.

Playing doubles tennis, rock climbing, or teaming up for laser tag are all opportunities to improve your ability to understand each other quickly, while having fun.

Look for an activity that encourages collaboration and that you both enjoy. Be creative; there are many sports that can be done as a team: Accro-yoga, squats, running, hiking, canoeing… the choices are endless.

3. Leave your private spaces to yourself.

Spend time apart. Go out with your respective friends once in a while to get back together and share what you’ve been through.

Maintaining your own space is important in a relationship. Sure, we become a team, but it’s also important to take a little distance sometimes.

Coordinate to go out twice a month with your respective friends without feeling guilty!

Likewise, at home, keep secret spaces. Whether it’s a notebook where you jot down your thoughts, a drawer your partner won’t poke their nose into, or an entire room dedicated just to one of you, respect it!

Obviously, the rules must be the same for everyone and you must set them together.

4. Don’t let things drag on.

Address problematic issues head-on, without letting expectations, frustrations, and other issues build up.

When a problem arises in your relationship, don’t wait to bring it up. Waiting will only make things worse.

Yes, the longer we wait, the more likely it is that the bomb will explode. Set aside time together every week to discuss all this. Like a mini-war council. Set it up and stick to it!

There are many excuses to put off talking, but nothing beats this kind of discussion… It’s gold!

5. When addressing sensitive issues, speak for yourself, don’t accuse the other person.

The way you say things determines how the other person feels and interprets them.

You’ll never know exactly what’s on your partner’s mind, so try to be as diplomatic as possible when discussing sensitive topics.

Favor “I feel, I believe, according to me, it seems to me” instead of “you do, you say this, you still have, etc.”

6. Don’t interrupt and listen to the other person.

Really, pay attention to what the other person is saying. Really. Silence the voice in your head that talks back.

We know how difficult it is to truly listen. When someone else starts rattling off their arguments, it’s hard not to immediately think of counters.

Try listening to arguments deeply, not just as a message to counterattack but as a real explanation of the other.

To do this, catch the other person’s eye. Wait until the end of their sentence or speech before speaking. This is harder than it seems, but it’s a key behavior for smoothing out your communication.

We only respond correctly to what we listen to and understand correctly.

7. Turn your tongue 7 times in your mouth.

This will prevent you from saying things that might hurt and you might regret.

Irritability and impatience make us say things we don’t really mean, or don’t mean for long. The saying that recommends turning one’s tongue seven times in one’s mouth does exist for a reason.

Avoid letting hurtful, petty thoughts come to mind during arguments.

Calm your mind and think about it, do you still want to say it? Go ahead, then you will be fully aware of what you are saying!

8. Be transparent.

Avoid secrets, tell each other everything. We communicate well with those we know well. It’s difficult to communicate well with a stranger.

If you’re hiding things from yourself, chances are your communication isn’t great…

Why do you hide things from your spouse? What would happen if you told them?

Some people think it’s crazy to tell each other everything. We’re going in the opposite direction.

If you don’t want to say something to the other person, it’s coming between you. It’s going to cloud your relationship and your communication. What do you value most?

Evaluate what you have and what you want in a relationship.

In conclusion.

There’s nothing complicated about establishing smooth communication as a couple.

There is, however, one prerequisite: the desire to be together and to make an effort together! Not everything can come from just one of the two parties.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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