Human Design is a spiritual system aimed at helping you better understand your soul’s purpose. Drawing on the chakra system, the concept of energy, astrology, the Kabbalah, the I Ching and various other spiritual philosophies, Human Design has taken over in popularity among Millennials. Originally conceived by a man named Alan (Robert) Krakower in the 1980s, the human design has become a point of interest for those beginning their spiritual journey and are interested in the ephemeral “what is my purpose” life question. The system was originally created after a very unusual mystical experience in Ibiza, Spain. Since that time, Krakower (who became better known as Ra Uru Hu or just Ra) continued to teach what he learned until his death a few years ago. While there are many layers to the human design system, its foundational information focuses on type and strategy.
Whether you believe in spirituality or not, the idea that we all have different purposes and types so that we can work together as a unified whole is a positive concept. It is also useful to be skeptical and run your type as an experiment to see if it helps improve your dating life. You may be surprised at how much cultural conditioning you are carrying with you in your social interactions.
Overview of Human Design Types
In the human design system, there are five types: Manifestors, Manifesting Generators (MG), Generators, Projectors, and Reflectors. According to the human design system, Manifestors used to be our kings and queens; generators, our slaves or people who simply got the work done; projectors, our knowledgeable sages; and reflectors, our wisest people. Manifestors are rare, less than 10% of the population, yet our society and culture trains most people to act as a manifesto (think Elon Musk-like personality). This is particularly problematic for Manifesting Generators and Generators who make up at least 70% of our world population. Generators are here to respond, often to what manifesto put out in the world. It is little wonder why conventional dating advice simply does not work for most people — especially heterosexual men. If you are born to respond, you have to stop trying to be something you are not. Responding to things in your head rather than to external experiences is likely to get you into the wrong relationships. It also means that you need to actually interact with real people and not the perception of people that you carry with you in your head.
Why Manifesting Generators and Generators are Important
The overarching idea behind the human design is to give people more tools to better understand the role they play in the Universe. Some of us are designed to create energy for others and some of us are designed to use that energy wisely. Some of us are born leaders, others of us are born to help bring their ideas to fruition. I have found that the concepts are particularly helpful in my work as a relationship coach as it helps a client question if they have the RIGHT work and the RIGHT relationships. 70% of us are designed to focus on finding the RIGHT work and RIGHT family but our society and culture tell us to disregard relationships, marriage and family for entrepreneurial or work-related endeavors that seek to simply create a lot of money and status. This is really great advice for Manifestors but not great advice for the majority of us.
Where Generators Go Wrong in Dating
After years of working toward a personal goal that my client’s believed they wanted, many become exhausted and frustrated. Frustration is the sign that the 70% of us are NOT living true to our own purpose. We are forcing things to happen rather than following the signs. We are chasing and busy trying to manifest when we should be listening to our intuition and gut responses. We are busy running around instead of channeling our creativity. This is the plight of a generator or manifesting generator who is out of balance and not living true to their nature. Most of our dating advice, therefore, can be quite harmful.
For those generators that discover that they can’t rush decisions and need to exercise more patience (and perhaps trust in the Universe), the transition in learning to trust oneself is excruciatingly difficult. It often shows up most prominently in the development of new relationships, especially if the person is a generator, heterosexual male. Believing that they now need to wait for a woman or a person to talk to them before responding to the opportunity (e.g. asking for a date), generators miss many dating opportunities causing even more frustration, isolation and an overall sense of loneliness. You can only respond to real-life opportunities if you are living in the moment and not consumed by fear and anxiety.
Why Living your Design Helps your Dating Life
In order for a generator or manifest generator to date correctly, they must be living their design and taking care of their energy. They are the only types that are capable of creating energy and must continually take care of themselves to help others. It is only in those moments of living in the present, that you can actually see the other person’s smile (more than enough of a sign to respond to), their body language (a hair flip may be enough to respond to), or if you have more intuitive thoughts, you can listen in for another sign to respond to. Everywhere you go, there are people and situations to respond to. For the generator, dating should be a smorgasbord of opportunity. Unfortunately, we are all so closed down energetically and emotionally that we simply do not see it that way. We get stuck on rules that are meant for other types and miss the opportunities. Self-care is imperative for generators of all types so that their energy attracts the right people to them. If you are an MG or a generator who is really tired of dating, you need to start asking yourself if you are living true to your design — often you are not. You are letting the wrong people take your energy and not taking the time for self-care. This will become even more important as we transition to gender-neutral dating where being in an emotional and energetic balance will be the key to attracting the right people into your life.
Online Dating for MG and Generators
Online dating should be part of the dating strategy for MGs and generators. Why? A profile is enough to respond to! If you see a profile you like and your gut response is “hell yes” then it is more than enough information to respond to. Go ahead and start a conversation. Overthinking at this stage is not helpful and dampening the sound of your heart and choosing logic instead is also going to lead you astray (that means getting rid of the checklist people). In the end, if it is a maybe or not full of excitement — it really is a no. Most of us make far too many compromises in our dating life out of fear of staying single. We also have a tendency to listen to other people’s opinions rather than listening to our own heart. A MG or generator operating from a place of authentic power is surrounded by people-their energy becomes contagious and dating goes from a lack of abundance pretty quickly.
Many of my generator clients struggle with the idea of response simply because of their perception of something to respond to is a verbal conversation. While they are sitting waiting for the other person to “initiate” a text message, they missed the nonverbal signs on their last date that it was ok to follow up and ask for another date. Verbal confirmations are not the only signs to pay attention to. It can be a recognition that your energy elevated in the presence of a particular person of interest and you feel that energy when you think of them (you can respond to that). It could be that they smiled at you and that is enough to check in with your gut and respond “yes” or “no.” It could be that you simply see someone you are interested in and it is a “hell yes” response to explore what the connection is about.
Generators are built to respond to the things that light them up — including people they meet along the way. Anything less than following your simple “yes” or “no” gut strategy means you are not dating according to your type. In this way, dating can actually be a wonderful experiment in getting back in tune with your intuition!!
If you are a MG, this process simply works much more quickly. The trick is to be much more conscious of the process so that you are responding to the people that light you up and make you happy and not giving too much attention to those people that bring you down.
Final Note for Pure Generators
If you are a pure generator, it is imperative that you live according to your design and be authentically who you are. Once you commit your energy to explore a dating opportunity with someone, you will be pulled to explore the entire relationship from beginning to end. You do not have the superpower of stopping that energetic pull like your MG friends. Discernment will be your best friend — especially if you have emotional authority. Do not rush to respond or feel like you need to go to the other person’s pace. Discerning choices will help you stay balanced and help you manifest your desires. If, however, you are like me and have had a slew of karmic relationships show up, don’t get dismayed. You learn a lot from these people that will serve you well when it is time to meet your soulmate.
Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.
— Rudyard Kipling
Human Design is just one way to begin to think about the complex question of who we really are. It is worth taking the time to figure out which dating strategies work best for you. If, however, you feel a little lost, focusing on becoming more mindful and present is a good place to start. You don’t want to miss the daily opportunities that arise simply because you were walking through your life in a daydream.
Previously published on Medium.com.
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