I just got off the phone with a client and I wanted to share the conversation we had with all of you.
David: So what you’re worried about is not the opener, right? You’ve opened a woman up, but you’re worried about creating that attraction throughout the conversation, right?
Client: Yeah, that, and having something to say immediately after opening her, especially if she’s not giving me a lot to go off of.
David: Okay. So she’s not giving you a lot to go off of. A lot of women do this. But if you’ve opened her in the right way – based on an observation, based on what she was already thinking – you’re getting some type of answer back from her.
So let’s say you walk over to a group of women sitting there at a table. You say, “Hey, that food looks really good! What is that exactly?” One of them might respond, “It’s the special.” You say, “What is the special?” Then she tells you about it.
You can go back to her table 20 minutes later and say, “Oh man, I ordered that special, and it’s just not as good as you said it was!” You can return and follow the conversation. You don’t have to worry about coming up with something new every time.
You can give her 15 to 30 good seconds to think about it, and then remember what she said and come back to her about it. Come back at her with the things that you talked about with her previously.
Carry the conversation. Pay attention to what is going on. That is really the only way to do that. Otherwise, you don’t keep the conversation flowing or moving.
So really gather that information. Pretend that you’re an investigator. You’re like a CSI – it’s a crime scene. You’re this great investigator, and you’re trying to figure out exactly what this person is all about.
What are you learning about this person from the very first time? What did you learn?
And then when you go back to talk to them again, start the conversation based on what you’ve already learned. You’re just uncovering a mystery – she’s a mystery.
If you pay attention to what she is saying the first time you talk to her, then you will have plenty of things to talk about the next time you approach her.
Let’s say you’re talking to a girl in a coffee shop and she says, “You know, I love Italian coffee. It’s my favorite thing ever!” So then five minutes later you can talk to her again while she’s sipping her coffee and ask her, “So how did you end up falling in love with Italian coffee? Have you been to Italy?”
She might respond, “Oh my god, I went to Italy, it’s my favorite!” You ask, “what’s so great about Italy?” and then she’ll tell you. She’ll tell you how much she loves Rome – the history, the culture, blah blah blah… so the next time you talk to her you can say, “Man, you have to tell me more about Rome. I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard that the Coliseum is phenomenal. What was your favorite thing?”
So do you see how that happens? You’re moving that conversation forward. You’re remembering things that she talked about previously and then moving the conversation forward. You’re taking that conversation somewhere and turning it into something instead of this blasé chat that you have to start fresh every time.
It’s about paying attention to the details and being a really good investigator. The more you investigate, the easier it will be.
Client: And how do you avoid being one of those fucking guys who are hammering a girl with endless questions?
David: The most important difference is that you’re actually listening to her answers and sharing yourself with her at the same time.
When she tells you how much she loves Italy, you’re saying, “Oh my god, I love Italy too! I went to Italy one summer a few years ago and the food was amazing! What was your favorite thing that you ate there?” She answers, “Oh, I had the best pizza at this restaurant in Positano.”
You respond, “Oh my god, I was never in Positano, but I had this great pizza in….” and you share a story with her. You go into storytelling mode and share with her your experience there. This is how you avoid being Larry King and peppering her with questions.
You’re becoming an investigator, but you’re also sharing your own stories and bonding with her through it.
So that is how you do it. It’s a conversation. Think about having a conversation with your friends. If you speak to women as you speak to your friends, you’ll be fine.
All we’re really doing is trying to escalate attraction with everyone we connect with. The real reason we befriend somebody is because we connect with them and we show interest in each other’s lives.
So you’re really letting your true personality come out in this way.
This post was previously published on Davidwygant.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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