—
If I were to take my masculinity lessons from most horror movies I would assume that if I’m ever in a situation where I’m stuck in a cabin in the woods (or on an abandoned nuclear testing ground in the hills, etc.), then my job is to essentially take the greater physical risk in order to save the women I’m with.
They could be my friends, my girlfriend, wife or mother, but when push comes to shove (or zombies come to demons) it’s my job to break into the scary basement to switch back on the electricity or enter the dark woods to find out what happened to the missing dog. Even if the women I’m with eventually muster the strength and save the day at the end, it’ll only be after my manly sacrifice that allowed them to live for so long.
That’s a lot of pressure and a really bad use of resources.
A Better (Or Just More Accepted) Male Option?
I don’t want to fully disregard the other male option that’s available. There are always guys in these movies that are not the rock-star, self-sacrificing heroes. They’re usually the comic relief. They probably don’t get to have sex. They usually have to grapple somehow with being a coward. They probably can’t lift heavy things, either (although they’ll comically try).
They’re graded by a different standard than the helpless female who’s scared and hiding behind the chair. There is a redeeming chance, though, that they will get it together and launch themselves in an aggressive manner toward the monster, and (like the above male hero) end up sacrificing their life for the women to survive. But, in order to do this, they need to get in touch with their manly masculinity. They need to overcome their feminine side, which during regular peace time made us all (including the masculine jock) laugh and was fun to be around. Masculine rules say they need to get serious and kick some butt. That’s how you conquer aliens, werewolves, or the devil.
Being Sexist, but Being Nicer About It
Luckily, most of us don’t face literal dangers such as flesh-eating viruses and sea monsters during our formative years. Sure, we could analyze all of the metaphors in these stories—what the various bugaboos represent in “real” life—if we really wanted to. One of the great parts after watching these films is figuring that out for ourselves—although there are certainly lots of reviewers and scholars willing to do it for us.
But why do these masculine, head-of-the-home, self-sacrificing, stoic guys make sense to us? We didn’t learn these tropes from the movies. This way of being is reinforced in small, seemingly innocent, but pretty insidious ways.
When both a male and female parent are present
- Who drives the car?
- Who holds open the door?
- Who goes to check on the noise?
- Who ends an argument?
- Who cries?
- Who holds the other?
- Who makes the family food?
- Who makes more money?
- Who knows how to use the family computer?
- Who gets to choose the television show?
- Who watches sports?
- Who watches The Bachelor?
Most modern families will have a mix of answers to what just thirty years ago would be very gendered tasks.
And that’s progress.
But be on the lookout for the attitude here. Is mom lauded for doing something “special” by being into football? Is she celebrated (if she is celebrated) for doing something different? Does dad get a lot of credit for making lunch and dinner? Is he applauded because his favorite movie is Pride and Prejudice?
If so, we’re still reinforcing the same stereotype, but we’re being nicer about it.
Creating New Roles
Whether we’re impressed that it’s a female doing it, or have come to expect that it’s a male, we can move beyond there ultimately needing there to be a toxic masculine response when the vomit hits the fan. If we are going to feel truly free one day we will need to create some new roles for ourselves. The tropes of movies and TV are the ones that are too often found in reality, but we do not—we must not—be limited to them.
This means we need to think and feel deeply about what we need and how we want to respond to situations—and to do so we can begin to throw away the restraints of feminine and masculine—especially if they don’t work for us.
This is incredibly difficult and puts a lot of pressure on ourselves to create the role we want, but when compared to the pressure we put on ourselves to conform to an already established role, it’s a no brainer. And a zombie won’t tell you that.
—
You may like #ThisIsHowSexismEnds here on GMP.
__
◊♦◊
◊♦◊
__
Photo credit: Getty Images
I liked this article. Another one posted similar to this regarding masculinity and femininity changing viewpoints. It’s coming. More of us not changing genet expression per se, but being able to embrace being human.
Thanks for your thoughts, Stacy!