I once thought it romantic to say all good things about one’s partner behind their back. I was so clueless; I didn’t know it could be something to regret later.
Not all the lessons one learns through the internet are pleasant.
Some truths are hard to grasp.
But thanks to online videos. I’ve learned there are some facts you cannot say about partners with confidence. You can only speak for yourself because your experience is often different.
These are the cringy absolutes to avoid saying on behalf of your person.
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“My partner would never cheat on me.”
Life is unpredictable. Never is a strong word. While you’d do anything to avoid temptation, you can’t be sure of others.
Several women found out about this ugly truth via TikTok recently. A woman posted a video; it earned her the label of home wrecker.
These commenters said they didn’t understand how this lady got into that relationship.
If it was their man, such a situation could never happen. The TikTok user saw the statements as a challenge. She researched several of the responders. And slid into the DMs of these commenters’ husbands. The men replied with interest.
In a follow-up video, she named the commenters and their husbands.
Then she talked about the responses she got to her advances. Of course, the involved women were not happy. But this experiment shows you cannot be too sure of your partner’s faithfulness. Some words like “never” are extreme.
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Photo by Jessica Rockowitz on Unsplash
“We won’t have kids.”
Speak about yourself. Trust me. I know of celebrities and Reddit stories where people’s goals change.
It often reaches the point of ultimatums.
You become single or accept the new desire.
You could think of these breakups as the worst. Your ex-partner moves on not only fast. But they also build a new life and family with someone else.
After the ending and watching them move on, you question what you want. Or how you handled your partner’s changing relationship needs. It’s a hard reality to face. And it’s one allowing you to recheck what you want or decide if you want kids but with someone else.
Kids, houses, and marriage are checkbox goals. You can tick and unpick it at any stage in life.
Our minds are easy-to-influence, especially by money, hormones, and cuteness. Don’t be too hard on your partner for wanting extra elements in a relationship later.
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“No, that could not be us.”
If a situation comes up in chats, avoid implying your relationship is out of that league. It’s not about self-fulfilling prophecy or anything.
You don’t have to bring your partnership into such a topic discussion. You don’t. A non-committal response is good enough. You’d then move the conversation into another direction.
You don’t know what could be as time passes.
And these statements have a way of coming back while racking your brain after sad events. It makes you wonder about the past with a self-blaming focus. Like, how could you be so naïve about not seeing the signs?
I would not want to look back at the past and do this to myself.
If you feel like saying an absolute, change the topic. Or pause before you give a response.
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The sadder truth?
Many times, speaking on your partner’s behalf in absolute terms is not a great idea. It makes them less likely to tell us how they feel. Then, by the time you know, it is already too late.
Thank you for reading this post.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Tan Kaninthanond on Unsplash