Jacob Nordby shares the surprising perspective of an empowered modern woman who contradicts the Dalai Lama
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“Yeah, but the Dalai Lama got it wrong with that one. I wish I could go tell him so myself. I have a real problem with a leader like him swinging the pendulum from patriarchy all the way over to matriarchy. The only reason we aren’t outraged by what he said is because it feeds the popular appetite. Imagine if he had said, ‘the world will be saved by the Western man’. We would be going apeshit right now.”
A few months ago, one of the most intelligent, empowered women I know made this statement during another of our conversations. I was in mid-sip and my mouthful of coffee felt suddenly scalding. What was this heresy she just uttered?
I had just quoted His Holiness as if the words were scripture, “the world will be saved by the Western woman…”. He said this during the Vancouver Peace Summit 2009 in a panel discussion with several other Nobel Peace Prize laureates—each of them immensely influential western women. He said that he is a feminist. And he opined that Western women will save the world.
I looked at my friend and she continued, her amber eyes intense.
The world does want something different, but we are asking ourselves to create true partnership between the sexes. All of us together.
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“As long as we believe that the world will be saved by either men or women, we will keep getting more of the same–more conflict, more misunderstanding, more cycles of victimhood and abuse. The victims and oppressors will simply change places with each other.”
I shook my head, “But you are a women and you…”
“No, listen to me,” she held up her hand, “I hang out in circles of women who talk a lot about the rise of the Divine Feminine. I love that we are coming into our power—that we are finding our voices and stepping forward. I love that. What I don’t love is the notion that we will do it without men—or in spite of men. What we need to hear right now is that the world will be saved by the integrated human.”
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“The world does want something different, but we are asking ourselves to create true partnership between the sexes. All of us together. Not men. Not women. Both of us.”
The conversation raced along and we explored mystical aspects of yin-yang, seed and womb, blade and chalice. Then this ever-practical woman brought it back around.
“Jacob, I want to beg men everywhere to integrate the Feminine in themselves. I want them to know their emotional, intuitive, nurturing selves. I want them to be safe in a whole new way. I need—the world needs—men to find wholeness. But we don’t want or need men to become women. We need the strength and initiation which is part of the universal Masculine, but I want men to stop seeing women as weak, crazy creatures who need to be kept in a box somewhere.”
“And what do you want women to do?” I said.
We need male and female both turned on and in their full power. When we get radically honest with this, we will all stop lying and hiding. We will come up with practical solutions to ages-old problems.
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“I want women to be whole, too. I want us to celebrate our power. I want us to create the kind of magic which is unique to all things female. I want us to dance with the men of the world in a way this planet has never seen before. I want us to inspire the energy and ambition of men everywhere to do something different. That’s when the world will have peace.”
“So you are saying that we don’t need to dismantle the Patriarchy in favor of a new Matriarchy?”
“Yes. Exactly.”
I felt relieved to have gotten it right, unlike His Holiness.
“But what does the world look like when this happens? I mean in real terms.”
She smiled, “Oh, when that happens, the masculine will still be building buildings and creating things to impress the feminine. That won’t ever change. It is what keeps the whole Universe evolving.
Desire
Seduction
Creation
Birthing
Both aspects playing their part in the most powerful way possible.
“What will change is the wounding, the oppression, the victim games. We don’t need those anymore. We need male and female both turned on and in their full power. When we get radically honest with this, we will all stop lying and hiding. We will come up with practical solutions to ages-old problems. Do you think starvation and war and abusive laws can survive long in a world where people are completely honest?”
We nodded at the waiter who came by to refill our coffee.
Then she said, “Oh, and I’m not just talking about men and women in their usual roles. All of this applies to people whether they are straight, gay, bi or whatever. I’m talking about the principles of the male and female energies which exist in us all. We need to quit just trading the players back and forth. We need to create a new playing field altogether. This one isn’t about which one is more able or worthy to lead a better world. Now we are ready to do it together–if we choose.”
“Also, to make this shift, we need to stop swallowing the statements of those who are on a pedestal as the moral arbiters for the world as absolute truth. We won’t create a new world by blindly following the direction of even the most influential and well-intentioned voices. If we want to bring peace, we must stop making polarizing statements and choices. Now is the time for an integrated humanity to emerge, which will inevitably bring forth peace.”
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Are you frustrated with the polarized struggle between Republican and Democrat, male and female, religious and atheist, capitalist and socialist–and every other battle which has plagued our planet since we can remember? Are you willing to question our most cherished beliefs which declare that this is the way things must be? Are you willing to see beyond the headlines which scream for us to choose sides and instead look for the integrated path?
I, for one, am no longer willing to blindly follow this endless pendulum swing. How about you?
Photo Credit: Flicker Commons/Speaker Pelosi
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Author’s Note – If you would like to meet the woman who inspired this article, please visit Intuition Coach, Suzanne Michelle at her site: Revive With Energy
She offers regular video updates with insights for discovering and revealing our most empowered selves in the world. Suzanne embodies the integrated male and female attributes; both initiates and nurtures what is alive inside her. She supports the powerful emerging women in this world and invites men into their own vulnerability so that the great dance of creation may evolve more beautifully than ever before.
Both Suzanne and I are grateful for the work of The Dalai Lama and celebrate his presence during this era of great change.
Great article, yet I see no contradiction between this article and what the Dalai Lama said. He didn’t say “we need matriarchy”. He said the world would be saved by western women. And indeed, women have taken the forefront in spirituality and in the environmental movement. That is the reality of it. Women are awakening faster then men, and in larger numbers. Go to any spiritual or conscious event, it’s 80% women. That’s what the Dalai Lama means.
lol so men building buildings and creating things just to impress female? The something unique to female and males? So how if I’m a feminine man and I dont have strength and initiations you said are male uniqueness? How about masculine women?
You know, you have pretty narrow gender stereotypical views, and its quite sexist, in my opinion.
I don’t think he meant what she believes he meant. I don’t know what he meant for sure, and I would never claim to say what someone else means with their words. Words are too loose to be able to do that. But, my sense of it is that women must live what we are…which is not the same as suddenly shifting into a matriarchy. Not the same at all. He never said that. I also think the word ‘save’ can be believed to mean many things. There is a beautiful video by a native elder who speaks to the… Read more »
Yes. There was a rather large leap of logic on the author’s part.
Great article! And a fresh perspective. Men and women should work together in equal capacity bringing both our strengths to the table. This is about integration and unity. Thanks for sharing this!
Yaz
aliljoy.com
Thank you, Yazmin. I appreciate you joining the conversation.
Hi Jacob i want to translate this great article to hebrew for the benefit of my facebook friends of course with a link to here is that ok?
Zohar,
Please do! 🙂
This was poetry! Absolutely, exactly what’s needed in the world. Either/or dynamics must fade away in favor of mutual appreciation, honoring & empowering.
Another excellent speaker/author on this subject is Dr. Warren Farrell. He’s the author of ‘The Myth of Male Power’ and ‘The Liberated Man’. As a man on the board of the ‘National Organization for Women’ he has spoken in both ‘sides of the fence’. His heartfelt writings about men’s suffering on patriarchy have moved me to tears on several occasions.
“Do you think starvation and war and abusive laws can survive long in a world where people are completely honest?”
Yes, because some people really just don’t care about other members of their species and are completely honest about it.
Honesty, truth and morality are not synonymous.
while its important that we should praise the angles of our better nature, we cannot simply remove or forget about the negatives either.
For me the answer to how we integrate is by letting go of all judgements and refusing to play the I’m right you are wrong game. We have a lot of programming to get rid of. My hope is that this new era of the divine feminine will help break some of the old programs that have kept men from experiencing and learning from their emotions and have kept women from embracing their own power. Men judge themselves as weak for having emotions (because of how they have been programmed) and they in turn project this onto women. Women take… Read more »
Yes! Well said. Thank you for chiming in. We need your voice in the vast orchestra of music we are making together right now.
I think you may be misunderstanding what he said. Did you say that the world will be save ONLY by Western women? No, he didn’t. He is looking at the current trends, economic and education and political and seeing great change in Western women and believing that they will be the ones who will take their growing power and use it well… he hopes. We might hope he’d left out “Western” but perhaps he isn’t seeing the same trends as strongly elsewhere.
Thank you, TammyJo.
I love the conversation this is provoking. Frankly, proving the Dalai Lama right or wrong is less the point of this piece than suggesting we are all asking for a different way right now–the middle path, so to speak.
Thank you for being here.
I don’t think what the Dalai Lama said was wrong. I just think in this instance it is being misinterpreted. Do you really think that when he uttered those words, his intention was to insinuate that women (western women specifically) would be flying in to save the world from the evil men who run it? Common sense tells me that he was anticipating women finally coming into their own and owning their roles as equals among men for the first time ever, which I hope all could agree, will make the world a better place. Not women subverting the role… Read more »
the voice of reason. Your friend sounds like an enlightened woman.
Sounds like I need to invite myself to coffee with you guys sometime. Fun times!
Yes, please! 🙂
I totally agree it’s not about men or women taking over to make things work but about understanding that we are all a necessary piece of the puzzle. Men and women bring different but equally necessary ingredients into the mix. I also think the Lama would agree with that and would probably use different words next time!
You nailed that one Jacob! Thanks for always challenging us to look at things from a slightly different vantage point – It changes our reality when we do!
Paul,
Coming from you, that’s saying a lot. I so appreciate who you are and all that you do in the world. Thanks for taking time to read this.
I had to take a few moments to take all this in; I am just in awe, with SO many individuals on the same page, for so long my daughter and I have been living and talking these exact words–mind you she is only 15 years old. There is changing going on and now I don’t feel so much in a “bubble” anymore. I thank you each for sharing your comments; there is so much the entire world is missing out and this pretty much sums it up, we ARE all connected, take away the power & money and live… Read more »
Oh, now that’s just cool, Corinna. It does feel that the collective is coming to this together right now. Thank you for sharing yourself here.
I believe in Total Balance and Harmony. So yes this article resonate very much within me. For years I was the main income earner in my marriage expected to also meet being a mum, and a housewife… Expected to be strong, financially responsible and make all decisions.. Till I said enough is enough because deep inside of me waiting to emerge was the woman that needed to be held and needed a shoulder to rest on. I stopped working due to illness ( due to that unbalance life) and that put all into perspective. Things had to change and learnt… Read more »
Dorianne,
I so appreciate you sharing your story here. That is a practical example and we needed to hear it. Thank you
I’m a Buddhist and couldn’t agree more.
Thank you, Jo. I am glad to have your Buddhist perspective here. I hallucinate His Holiness would probably agree with this discussion, too. By the way, I have tremendous gratitude and respect for the Dalai Lama. He is a remarkable human.
My perspective as a three-quarter Buddhist is that the Dalai Lama does not spend his days thinking about gender studies, and therefore is not the last word on the subject. He just said something kind and conventional.
“We need the strength and initiation which is part of the universal Masculine…”
And that’s where she lost me.
It’s unfortunate that strength, the drive to create, leadership and ambition are still gendered. It doesn’t better the situation for those of us in STEM fields.
Perhaps I can invite Suzanne in to comment on this, Meredith. Thank you for being here. <3
By the way, what is/are the STEM fields?
Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics.
I’ve struggled with that very thing for a long time. So there is no positive trait a person can have which is uniquely masculine. Alright. But at the same time there certainly are positive traits which are considered uniquely feminine. So all in all women are better, they have everything men have, plus things men cannot have. Of course I disagree (or try to). But I feel very alone in it. Even Suzanne Michelle seemed to tow that conventional line. She said “I want to beg men everywhere to integrate the Feminine in themselves.” and to women: “I want us… Read more »
Well said!
Maybe the Dalai and Suzanne are both correct, after all it took a western woman to say it how it should be to Jacob! Just saying………..! I know for sure that we are all one and that the separation, however it manifests, does no good to any part of the whole. ♥
that’s an excellent point, Ann! 🙂
Great article laying it all out simply. The old ways have not worked they have only created separation in every thing in and around us. Focusing on becoming the integrated human creates the ripple for deep and lasting change to our current paradigm. It really just allows us to be who we really are and ends the craving. One step at a time, one article at a time, one change in us is how it all begins. Thanks Jacob for the great post!
Thank you for being here and adding your voice to this, Teri!
Great post Jacob! Thanks. I love this updated view that does not leave anyone out – that true peace/ a better world will be created by the integrated human. We’re all in and all in it, from that perspective.
Thank you, Jenn. I hope we can discuss the “hows and whats” of becoming an integrated human. This isn’t a common understanding yet and I am glad we are having the conversation.
This wraps up my own beliefs about the integrated human in a gorgeous bow. I have questioned the polarities of male and female/masculine and feminine (which is what my GMP article from yesterday about The Yin and Yang of Being Gay or Straight was in part, about.) and would much prefer feeling like and being surrounded by whole human beings that empower each other. Blessings on you both for co-creating this article, Jacob.
Thank you, Edie.
I saw your article from yesterday and I agree…we are speaking the same language here. 🙂
Is there a Rosetta Stone for this language?
Not surprising, of course. (: That’s hows come we’re friends.
Wow. I’ve been a Nancy Pelosi supporter, but I never heard this side of her philosophy. She’s brilliant, and absolutely correct. Funny, because she always comes off as a little ditsy to me: not because of what she says, just her inflection and her physiognomy. Although, I’m a big fan of Mr. Lama as well: I bet he would agree with what Nancy Pelosi says. I think he was just making a more general statement, that the prevailing impetus of the leadership toward a better human understanding will come from the equality-driven efforts of Western women.
Paul,
Thank you for your comment. Actually, Nancy Pelosi didn’t have this conversation. Suzanne Michelle did (see my Author’s Note at the bottom for clarification).
I suspect you are correct about the Dalai Lama, too. My empowered woman friend wanted to call out the tendency of the world to propose pendulum swings–one side to the other–rather than seek integration and a middle path.
I appreciate you reading this and joining the conversation.
Ohhh!! (facepalm) In that case, I think the picture of Nancy Pelosi is a bad idea, not only because it trips up idiots like me, but because it unnecessarily adds an iconically polarizing figure to an otherwise nonpartisan discussion. I mean, I like her, but she apparently ruffles some feathers (although that effect is probably just a creation of FOX News). Anyway, great article.
Naw, Paul…
I can see how this is confusing. I chose the picture intentionally because Nancy represents a powerful “Western woman”, but the sub-headline beneath that picture definitely makes it easy to draw the conclusion you did.
Thanks for being part of this conversation.
I can’t imagine what there is here to disagree with. Maybe I’m naive… I believe that all these dualities and pluralities need to go away. We need to see things on a continuum, not as fixed labeled points. Consider the new model of the atom: a central core surrounded by a cloud of electrons going everywhichway. Not in fixed paths, not in defined orbits. That’s kinda what I’m talking about.. As for traditional gender roles and matriarchy v. patriarchy: Bah. Humbug. Boring, and they haven’t worked for a long time, if they ever really did. What does that strange other… Read more »
I agree, Shawn. To those of us who “get it”, this is a big non-event. The world wants to go the other direction, but many can’t imagine how it is possible…yet. Thanks for being one of those who can.
Imagining is what makes it possible. And I’m preaching to the choir, right?