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Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the Thief of Joy”, but in our modern society, it is hard not to compare yourself to others.
As you scroll your Facebook or Instagram timeline, you can see what all of your “friends” are doing in their lives. People mostly share their highlights and not their struggles.
You see their accomplishments, luxurious trips, new cars, expensive weddings and toy-covered floors for Christmas and birthdays. Social media keeps raising the bar as to what people on average salaries feel like they have to do to compete with, not only celebrities, but also their own friends to be viewed as successful.
This can be dangerous to physical, mental and financial health.
Conspicuous Consumption is the term used to describe purchasing luxury items and services to show social and economic status. In order to avoid feeling left behind, our mind looks for areas where others are thriving and tries to model those traits.
We, subconsciously, look to others to validate our own social and economic status. In our society, we base it on houses, cars, clothes, jewelry, and material possessions. To the outside eye, the more we can afford or the more we have, the better off we are.
The biggest problem is the people who live beyond their means almost always do it by not saving and incurring debt. It’s possible to look as if you live a life you actually can’t afford to live.
For many people, what they have is mixed in with their identity.
The underlying cause of conspicuous consumption isn’t bad financial decision-making as one would think, but psychological stress. It’s the need to fill a void or to feel as if you belong to the pack. It can be an addiction for some people and become worse over time.
Comparing yourself to others will diminish your own accomplishments and rob you of the happiness you should feel towards your own success. It will also cause you to overlook much of what you have in your life that you should feel grateful for as you are competing in areas that aren’t yours to win. You may view what you have as “not good enough” because it’s not what someone else has.
You also create a false identity that hides from you and everyone else the amazing things you are capable of which are natural to self.
You may chase a career that doesn’t fit you. Marry a person that isn’t right for you or lock yourself into a lifestyle that doesn’t match your inner self. Then, feel trapped wearing that mask because this is the life you created for yourself and now you are in debt to it.
Your mental health can be affected by constant worry. You will constantly be worried about your status. There is a constant need to project that you are enjoying the lifestyle and to keep planning your reveals, which will make others jealous.
You can’t just take a vacation. You have to take picturesque pictures for Instagram so people can wish they were on the same vacation.
You can’t just go to a concert. You have to film part of the concert and “go live” on Facebook.
You can’t just have a relationship. You have to take pictures of you and your person kissing, being affectionate and going on romantic dates.
Mentally, you are managing your image and financing the brand of your crafted lifestyle. This all takes a toll because you are not just living your life. When this becomes your identity, it is also tied up in debt, anxiety, and worry then it can lead to depression.
You can’t tell anyone about your depression because they have seen the amazing life you live and you projected yourself to be the happiest you can be. So, the mask becomes isolating.
What we compare ourselves to when we look at other people’s lives we don’t see the difficulties or struggles behind the scenes. We don’t see their bills, credit card debt, school loans, hours worked away from their families or the damage to their relationships. We don’t see anything that goes into having, being or doing the things that they do. We simply compare our lives to the results of their choices without the consequences. And, people rarely talk about those things either, especially when they can paint a pretty picture instead.
If you find it makes you feel worse about your life, then it may not mean you have to work harder. It may mean you have to find more joy in the life you have, recognize your personal and professional wins and stop looking at what others are doing to tell you where you fit in. “Keeping up with the Jones” is a choice.
The only race you are ever running is against who you were yesterday.
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