Dating Apps Suck, but Give Them a Try Anyway

Singles hate Tinder or Bumble, where they need to repeatedly say “hi” after every match they get. Then they’d ask each other basic questions (where you come from, what do you do, and blah blah blah). They go through the so-called “ghosting” phase.

Not every scenario will be like that, though — just most of them.

The dating app is all about ghosting people or being ghosted. You just never know. You can be the pickiest person in terms of looking for a partner but still, end up with the wrong person.

But on the other side, being on a dating app can teach you many life lessons. Let me elaborate.

I did a sleepover at my friend’s place last weekend, and as she’s single and currently active on Bumble, I asked her how hard it was to actually find someone “good” on the dating app.

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Her answer didn’t surprise me: “it’s tricky, confusing, hard but exciting at the same time.” — she said.

With all the nightmares of dating app stories nowadays, it’s easy for people who have never been in it to conclude that it’s literally junk. Of course, some of them are indeed junks, and I’m not here to tell you that it’s the best place to find your soulmate.

But there are these huge lessons that people overlook from being in dating apps. Most people who despise the idea of online dating always assume that they’ll get the worst scenario by being in it.

But that’s not always the case. Sure, you may not end up marrying the guy/girl you had a date with. But that effort to put yourself out there is still something.

You go out of your comfort zone, challenge your belief that there might be someone who is genuinely interested in you, and maybe have a real conversation in person.

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You try something new, something you’ve never even thought of doing before. Meeting someone you met online seems so scary, but you push through and just see what happens.

You build some faith inside you.

Heck, some people don’t even want to get out of their bubble and explore new things in life. Yet they don’t want to make an effort to meet someone in person either.

There’s nothing wrong with being more proactive and going out there because, let’s be honest, no one is coming if you just sit down waiting for that special someone to come around.

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Another big lesson I noticed from joining the dating app is that you get clear with what you want. We’re so used to going with what society asks us to do, and sometimes we don’t even know if we want it.

What are your values in a relationship? If you ever want to get married, what kind of person do you want to grow old with? Do you care if he/she wants kids or not? Or Do you want a person who’s flexible and can travel the world together with you?

You might be surprised that being on dating apps can help you get the answers.

I’ve heard stories about people who didn’t know they actually don’t want to get married and just casually dating or vice versa after they go on dates and talk to people.

To know what you want in a relationship, first, you need to define the things you don’t want/won’t tolerate. Otherwise, you’ll just accept everything, and that’s how you might end up in unhealthy relationships.

I don’t want to give you the false promise of how dating apps can change your life for the better. Dating someone doesn’t always mean your life is 10x better than before.

It just means now you have somebody you share your wins (and problems) with.

But, there’s also nothing wrong with giving it a try at least once in a lifetime. Sure, you can only “survive” there for a week max, but at least you put yourself out there.

When people on dating apps disrespect you, you learn how to stand up and love yourself regardless.

When people don’t think you’re good enough, you learn how to despise all that and figure that it’s not your place.

And when someone finally comes around and shows what a stable, healthy, secure love is, you learn how to reciprocate it.

Whatever the result is, that shouldn’t be your main focus. Reflecting on the experience and what lessons you can gain from being in online dating is the goal.

If you end up with someone you truly like and they like you just the same — consider it as a bonus.

I mean, I wouldn’t know how to stand up for myself and tell those guys I met that I didn’t want a casual relationship if I wasn’t in Bumble at some point in my life.

Not everyone knows how to speak what they truly want for their love life. And that’s a sad thing to see.

Don’t let it be you — let yourself experience and figure things out as you go.

You’ve still got time.

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Hi! Anggun here. I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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