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Question: I have heard of self-sabotage but my boyfriend takes it to the extreme. He determined to not be happy – no matter what anyone does. He is a wonderful person but he has incredibly high “his” and extremely low “lo’s”.
Answer: Well my love, there are a few ways to look at this situation. First, what would it take for you to be ok, at peace, in allowance of him not being happy? This does not mean you agree to it or prefer it, it means that you allow it to exist within your universe while honoring your true self. There is a possibility that he may be doing this for attention, yes? If this the root cause -good news – it can be changed!
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Transcript provided by YouTube:
delicious friends of meat mindful adore
you adore you I really do I I’m getting
to know more of you some of you become
my coaching clients and you are so
friggin amazing and the results you’re
getting are outstanding and in such a
privilege to connect with people that
are so conscious and ripe for change and
coachable and able to get such
incredible results so quickly in our
sessions I love it um okay so here is a
question from you oh sorry muffin um
what do you do Ilana when you were with
somebody who was so determined not to be
happy he’s such an amazing guy but he
has his highs and then he has his lows
okay let’s see here first of all
congratulations that you are dating
somebody and congratulations on your
awareness that he has his highs and his
lows and you say what do you do when
he’s determined not to be happy so it
sounds like in his lows he’s addicted to
them doesn’t want to change is committed
to not being happy it could be a form of
survival mechanism to get love maybe
that’s how he grew up if he was sad
maybe he got attention from mom and dad
that way so to actually let go of the
sad scares him on some subconscious
level that he’s gonna lose love like I
don’t know what’s going on I haven’t
talked to him but it sounds like you’re
both are aware that there’s a block to
the next level of evolution connection
happiness in your relationship and it
also sounds like he’s not interested in
changing so the really really really
hard coaching is let it be okay be an
allowance that he doesn’t want to be
happy see what happens because I have a
feeling he’s trying to lure you in koi
you in with trying to change him and and
and encourage him and all the rest of it
what if you didn’t what if he just loved
him just as much when he was unhappy as
when he was happy let’s see what happens
he might step up on his own or he might
step aside and find someone else that is
attracted to his victim behavior and you
will make space
for someone who doesn’t do that and is
willing to take full responsibility and
be tender when they’re sad but also be
able to ask questions so what would it
take for me to be happier what would it
take for me to let go of this how does
this belong to in the first place you
know all these things these questions
that we can ask when we’re willing to
take a hundred percent responsibility
for our happiness either he will step up
or step aside and you can be with
somebody like that and then lastly I
would ask you what’s so attractive about
a guy that has highs and lows I remember
the days when I was quite addicted to
the pleasure pain pleasure pain drama
hmm yeah I was there definitely my 20s
that was what I did and there was a
there was a significant about it
Holloman with makeup and all this like
very draining dramatic behavior it could
just be a sign that you’re ready to let
that go and move on to a higher level of
relationship so I’m here on a deep level
to do very profound efficient effective
healing work with people of your
consciousness so if this is a pattern if
this is something you really you don’t
want to attract another one like this
and you want to be able to be that
non-judgmental space of allowance for
this guy and it’s hard for you not to
want to fix him and judge him that is
going to continue in your next
relationship unless you get it handled
and it’s probably happening inside with
yourself as well so it could be that
you’re a perfect candidate for me to
support so to see if you’re a fit if
you’d like to email my manager at Alana
Pratt calm and say that meet mindful
sent me i would love to schedule a
strategy session with you I have some
other products introductory products
that might be of service you sound
pretty highly evolved and right now
anyways but there’s some really good
gems in some of my be you know entry
products for a gentleman get her to say
yes calm is a complimentary report with
a lot of great wisdom in it and for
ladies how to be and stay sexy calm it’s
in its third edition and it has a lot of
ways for we women to get out of our
fear-based controlling mind down into
our very wise and
rageous heart and even deeper into our
pelvis our secret sexual pelvis where we
ha ha ha we know and when you can come
from that place as a woman the world is
your oyster so I look forward to hearing
how those
products and services can be of service
to you and I look forward to hearing
your voice and the potentiality working
together have an amazing rest of your
day all my love
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This post was previously published on www.allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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