It’s 11am, I’ve done a load of laundry, made an iced coffee, walked my dog, sat in on 2 conference calls and submitted a design to my boss for approval. I also listened to Tee Noir’s YouTube video on Masculinity called “Surviving Alpha Male Mentality”
This is long, so watch when you have some time. But it has reminded me why I became so untouchable.
I’m a 6-figure, Master’s degree holding, well-spoken, mixed-black woman. I also am not very submissive by nature. I grew up with a strong Latinx mother, who taught me to use not only my discernment, but my voice and I was once with a man who not only broke down my trust in him in order to force me to submit even in my wildest moments of hurt — but after I healed from the journey that was him, I told myself never again.
So why is it so hard to date?
There is a simple answer, the alpha male.
I’m 30 years old and with that comes time, education, wisdom, a little bit of nonsense, but most of all — I have spent my twenties finding myself. I know who I am and refuse to stray from that. And that took time. The alpha male can’t handle an alpha female. Point blank, period.
Let me stop here to say something about the Alphas who will run into my inboxes — Keep reading before you try to shine your alpha light.
Alpha women make their own lives.
We don’t rely on people to do things for us. We don’t ask for help unless it’s from a tried and trusted source. We don’t necessarily need you. That’s not to say we don’t want the companionship that everyone craves. It just means we aren’t going to settle.
I have a career that I worked hard for. I also want children. I want both. I want my career and children and I know that it can be done. So when the Alpha I went on a 4th date with last Saturday told me that he wants his wife to stay home while he brings home the money, my first thought was “oh hell no.”
And I explained it to him as such —
Why do women automatically have to be the homemakers? I’ve worked for a decade to establish myself in a career that I love, I want to keep it. Can there be something worked out to where the children aren’t “raised by nanny’s” but are fostered by immediate family in a tribe mentality so both parents can work? I’ve seen it done. My family does this currently.
His immediate response was no. So then, man, give up your career. No. Why should I have to give up mine? Because you’re the woman. That’s what women do.
Did I get a text or call after that date? No. When I followed up a few days later his text was; I’m sorry this isn’t going to work if you’re not willing to sacrifice things for your family.
Why do women have to sacrifice their hard earned careers?
I own my home.
And I don’t want to sell it.
I was 3 months in with a man who had a promising future in my life until I told him I wouldn’t want to sell my home.
Why not? It’s not like you’ll need it? Plus, I’ll be the provider so we won’t need the extra income if it’s a rental. Keeping your home is like saying you never want to be fully attached.
Keeping my home, that I bought myself in my twenties, is something I want to do for myself and has no impact on how much I love and attach to someone. It also serves as another source of income or can be used as a vacation home should my partner and I ever move out of state.
Why is this a problem? An alpha male friend of mine explained it candidly
It shows that you can live without him and he doesn’t like that.
Simple. They don’t want you to be able to survive without them. Why can’t we both thrive together. Why does it have to be just one of us. These gender norms existed when they did because women simply weren’t allowed. We’re allowed now, so why is this still a thing?
So what makes me untouchable?
I won’t give up the life I worked so hard for, for someone who feels emasculated by my success. And the men who I attract, don’t like that.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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