Dating Without Desperation: How to Stay Calm and Collected

Desperation is an enemy of love. And it’s the silent killer of attraction. It’s the energy that says “I will take anyone that gives me attention”.

It’s one of the reasons people settle for less in relationships. The harsh truth? No one wants to date someone who loves frantically.

Desperation repels, when you’re desperate about love, you won’t be attractive and you might be misjudged to have an ulterior motive.

In this article, we will look into practical strategies to overcome desperation, stay calm and collected in your dating life:

1. Recognize the Signs of Desperation

First you must look within yourself and find out the exact way you behave whenever you’re desperate.

Do you feel desperate when he/she doesn’t reply immediately?
Are you always eager to prove your worth and you always end up overdoing it ?

Acknowledge these behaviors are not a shame, but work on your emotions and actions.

2. Shift Your Mindset to Abundance

Desperation comes from a scarcity mindset. If you believe you can’t get a better partner or there are limited good partners. You’re likely to be desperate to ensure you don’t lose the one you already have.

To be calm and collected, you need to shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance. You need to believe there are many fishes in the ocean. Especially dating is not about finding the right one. It’s about finding who aligns with your values and goals.

3. Focus on Your Own Fulfillment

The people that are most desperate about relationships are the people that feel incomplete without love. They believe they need to be dating to be a complete human or to be happy.

The most attractive people are not desperate because they don’t need a relationship to feel complete. They have attention on:

Their hobbies and passions and they derive joy and happiness from them.
Their solid support system of friends and family.
They pursue personal growth and self-care.

Being self-reliant, and feeling fulfilled with your own life without relationships will help you approach relationships with a feeling of abundance.

4. Master Emotional Detachment

Emotional detachment is a wonderful cure for desperation. This doesn’t mean you have to stop caring about your partner. It’s a strategy to train yourself to reduce or stop attaching yourself to your partner:

Practice mindfulness, stop acting based on impulse.
Know that rejection is not a reflection of your value.
Stop overanalyzing every interaction or outcome.

The more you don’t focus your attention on the outcome, just be yourself and relax.

5. Dating Is Journey

Dating allows us the opportunity to learn, we have to be in a relationship with different partners, before we eventually settle down with one person.

So you’re not supposed to be desperate about it. If things go awry, fine! You must have learned something for your next relationship. Just cut the rope and move on.

6. Set Boundaries

Desperation always leads to lack of respect for boundaries. In order to prevent this:

Understand and have clarity about what you want in your relationship.

Always say “No” if situations don’t go in line with the way you expect in your relationship.

Be bold and courageous enough to walk away from anything less than you deserve in your relationship.

Final Thoughts

Desperation doesn’t have to define your dating life. By shifting your mindset, building your confidence and focusing on your own fulfillment and development, you will be able to date with calmness and clarity.

When there’s no desperation, you will be able to create space for genuine connection and meaningful relationships to flourish.

To be attractive, you need to stay patient, stay collected, and trust the process.

Thanks for reading…

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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