Dealing With Breakdowns in a Romantic Relationship

I broke down in tears this morning knowing that my long-distance relationship is going nowhere. Well, I kinda know this would happen but I didn’t know it was going to be this hard.

The problem here isn’t about whether we’re right for each other or some other internal cause. The problem is on the family side of things. Would you drop your family to be with someone you love and selfishly be together with that person without your parent’s blessing?

I honestly don’t know.

But I know letting the relationship go is so much easier. It’s probably the most practical thing we could do right now but we can’t and we won’t.

How could you let the only person you want to be with go? And for what? For what do other people think is best for us? That doesn’t make any sense.

And I know I’m not the only one who feels sad, hopeless, and frustrated in their relationship right now.

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Jumping into a new relationship is easy — maintaining it? Not so much

“There’s a huge and leaden loneliness settling like a frozen winter on so many humans” — Irish Poet, John O’Donohue

People love feeling the new fresh love. Some of them even chase that kind of love where it’s all roses and butterflies for over a year max and call it quits when things get real.

That’s what makes it hard to find someone who wants to have a long-term relationship with you nowadays. It’s not because you’re not lovable or good enough, it’s just the effort is limited.

And let’s not forget that dating apps somehow give us that reassurance that we’ll never be running out of options. That’s what makes people always look for greener grass.

The irony is, most people put their new partner on a pedestal. They have this perfect picture of how their partner should be and how perfect they’re right now to them. But as soon as they see the dark sides (because let’s be honest, no one is truly flawless), they back off.

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They think their partner has changed and they no longer love them the same. Of course, they change — we are all. What do you expect? No one stays the same and the more you know your partner, the more flaws you’ll find about them.

I don’t believe that someone we date changes for the worse over time — I just think we haven’t seen those sides of them yet.

This kind of problem is also why many relationships don’t last. I don’t think they have a hard time finding someone new and falling in love, but staying in it for a lifetime ride?

Only some could pull it off.

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Sticking around when things get hard

It’s easier to say it — I know.

And sometimes if you aren’t being careful, you might lose yourself in your journey to make your relationship work. I have, once.

But again, if you never give your best shot, you might live with regret. I know someone who does. He’s in his 60s wishing he could be more patient with the relationship problems he had with his ex. Because now he feels lonely as ever.

It’s not that kind of lonely that will go away in days/weeks. It’s permanent loneliness plus the regret he has. How he wished he treated a relationship like the options are endless out there is what he told me.

Because the option isn’t endless.

Let’s be real. It’s not every day that you meet someone who can understand, deeply care and love you. It’s even rare nowadays because more and more people just want to fuck around through dating apps.

So if you find someone who you think is right for you, the best thing to do is to stick around no matter what. Even when the world is against you and nothing seems to work out now.

I’d rather be stuck with someone who has my heart than chasing for the next “perfect” relationship. Trust me, I’ve been there. And I can assure you that a perfect relationship doesn’t exist.

There will be ups and downs throughout the time. As long you still have a mutual amount of respect and love for each other — I don’t see why not stick around when things get hard.

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Always do what feels right to you

Cheesy as hell — I know.

But can you imagine living your life based on what other people think best for you? And giving up things that bring you joy in your life?

I’ve seen it time and time again that people don’t regret fighting their relationship but people regret not trying harder in the first place.

Those older people show me the exact example of things that I don’t want to do with my love life.

My point here is to have hopes. To push it through even if you feel like you’re just hitting the wall and nothing’s moving.

You might not know if it’s going to be worth it or not but at least you’re doing your best.
And I want you to know that you aren’t alone.

Many other people out there are also struggling in their relationships. They don’t know if there’s a way out.

But as long as you and your partner have each other, everything’s going to be alright.

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Hi! Anggun here. I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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