The time has gone when living in a joint family was a bliss. Nowadays, due to the generational gap, there is an emotional trauma given by elders too.
Time has changed, and we are changing with time, but many elders still follow their traditional ways. They are determined to maintain their traditional ways at all costs. They are loud and indecent and fail to understand what their family is bearing.
Of course they are the safety pillars of the family, and our children are safe under their shelter. But what about the values?
I have heard many stories from different individuals who are dealing with the same shit in their lives. I’m not supporting nuclear families, but elders must recognize that time has changed and there is no more space for their orthodox rituals. I am not trying to belittle them, but it’s the need of the hour.
Older people sometimes demand respect even when they haven’t earned it. I believe we should not respect someone just because they have been on earth longer than us. If you are genuinely a good person, you will be respected irrespective of age. Respect is earned, not decorated on a plate and served as a necessary meal.
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Dear readers,
My article is supposed to end here with criticism against elders, but as I researched the reason for their toxic and insensitive behavior, I realized that no one wants to be that way.
Elders have seen life and come far away with their experiences, challenges, struggles, and traumas. They have not learned how to get healed.
We, as an adult generation, have knowledge about the MENTAL HEALTH keywords and techniques to cope. But maybe they have not even understood those concepts. This kind of negative emotional pattern is engrossed in their subconscious mind.
Maybe that is the reason they are too busy blaming others because it has become their nature. We can’t change them unless they don’t want to change themselves.
So, how do we deal with this?
BE PATIENT
Try to understand them and have productive conversations. I know it’s tough because they really don’t want to listen to anything. But you should also not expect to sort everything in one table sitting.
CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES
Don’t push or nag them. Yelling, arguing, and slamming doors will only damage the relationship. Instead, validate their emotions and value their opinions. Make them an important part of the decision-making process.
BE SENSITIVE
Be sensitive and not defensive. Bluntly telling them that they are not doing it in the right way will not win them over. You can say that I’m concerned because you are drinking alcohol on a daily basis, which is affecting your health and could have serious consequences in the future
PICK CORRECT TIME
Avoid speaking when timing is not perfect. Especially when you are upset or anxious. Your tension and anxiety can pass to others as well.
DON’T COUNT ON THEM CHANGING
Don’t count on them changing. Instead, change the way you respond to them. They are fully grown adults. Try to understand the root cause of their behavior.
CONSULT AND SEEK SUPPORT
Consult their doctor or seek support from some friend or relative.
STAY CALM
Your parents might be worried about the uncertain future. Assuring them calmly and speaking with love will give them confidence and safety.
At the end, i just want to quote
“Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.”
― Chili Davis
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Nick Karvounis on Unsplash
