A new mother writes a heartfelt Thank You letter to her loving husband.
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Thanksgiving is here and I am overwhelmed with all that I have to be grateful for this holiday season. The beautiful mess that is our life feels chaotic, and I rarely take the time to acknowledge all that my husband does for our family. He does it without being asked and without asking for thanks, but he deserves so much credit for creating and sustaining our family. This is my attempt to say, “Thank you.”
• Thank you for letting me lie on the couch for basically my entire pregnancy and whine about how uncomfortable I was; at 10 weeks, simultaneously nauseous and hungry, at 22 weeks, excruciating round-ligament pain, and 39 weeks, “get this baby out of me!” You took over my share of the dishes and laundry and cooking so I could rest and focus on the huge physical and emotional upheaval that came with growing our first child.
Thank you for helping me bathe and dress when we came home from the hospital and I could barely move after the emergency C-section.
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• Thank you for dutifully taking the 12-week natural childbirth class with me; you watched video after video of babies being born the old fashioned way and said words like “mucus plug” without blinking or gagging. You rubbed my back every night of my third trimester so that I could practice the relaxation exercises and deep breathing. I promise that I noticed when you didn’t say a single word about the absurd amount of time we dedicated to our natural birth plan when we arrived at the hospital and I immediately begged for an epidural.
• Thank you for helping me bathe and dress when we came home from the hospital and I could barely move after the emergency C-section. I will never forget you tenderly washing my hair while I sobbed in the shower because my milk was coming in and I was a hormonal mess.
• Thank you for getting up for every night feeding during the first month of our daughter’s life so you could help me figure out how to position our baby as I learned to nurse. After I finally got the hang of it and no longer needed an assistant to feed our child, you took over changing our daughter’s diaper and rocking her back to sleep nearly every night for a year so I could fall back into bed for a few extra minutes before I had to get up to nurse again.
Thank you for not turning around and walking out the door the day you came home to find both your wife and baby lying on the floor crying hysterically.
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• Thank you for not turning around and walking out the door the day you came home to find both your wife and baby lying on the floor crying hysterically; breastfeeding was a roller coaster for us and you calmly put down the take-out you had just picked up for dinner and helped me breathe and regroup after another difficult feeding.
• Thank you for spending an hour every night washing and disinfecting breast pump parts. I remember you carefully pouring milk into freezer bags while giving me pep talks; spending several hours a day attached to a pump felt like too much sometimes and you helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for being the one to finally buy formula when I couldn’t do it, and for telling me over and over that I wasn’t a failure because my milk supply had decreased to basically nothing during an especially stressful few months at work.
• Thank you for holding me when we got the call from our pediatrician saying there was something wrong with our daughter’s white blood cell count. I completely lost it while we waited the eleven long days for our first pediatric hematology appointment and you let me fall apart, never asking for your turn to melt into a puddle of anxiety, fear, and dread.
• Thank you for learning about my religion and understanding why it is so important for me to raise our daughter in the Jewish faith. You celebrate Hanukkah and Passover with my family, eat babka, latkes and matzo ball soup with us even though your childhood in Southeast Texas didn’t include one mention of gefilte fish. I know it isn’t easy having a wife and daughter who celebrate different religious holidays than you, but you manage to be an excellent honorary Jew.
You fully embrace your identity as “dada” and the love you have for our daughter is so profound.
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• Thank you for spending every night and weekend at home; you were there when our daughter rolled over for the first time, took her first steps and said her first word. Every evening you change out of your shirt and tie and dive into the challenging task of getting a picky toddler to eat more than two bites of something other than crackers. You never ask for a break between your busy day at work and the busy evening routine of dinner, bath, and bedtime.
• Thank you for making the huge adjustment to first-time parenthood so gracefully. You fully embrace your identity as “dada” and the love you have for our daughter is profound. I pray that someday she finds a spouse who is as committed to the ideals of family, love, and equality as you. You are my partner in every aspect of our lives. The example you are setting for our daughter of what she should expect from her partner in a future romantic relationship is invaluable and we are both lucky to have you.
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Photo:Flickr/Jon Delong
It’s so important to feel appreciated. I bet your husband truly does!