In these times, we hear the word integrity less often with each passing year. We don’t expect politicians to have it, but maybe we still expect a judge in the courts of law to exhibit it. At least in public.
It is harder and harder to separate public life from private life. Look at the Clinton’s. Consider the shoddy Prime Minister Boris Johnson and all his mistakes. Justin Trudeau lost his shine.
“Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is looking” – C.S. Lewis
Whether we were brought up well or badly, we need to foster integrity. We need more and more men and women who behave well when no one is looking, and who will apologize freely if they are at fault.
Currently, in the UK, there is a family in which one member exhibits entire integrity and another has displayed none at all. I am referring to Her Majesty the Queen Elizabeth, and her second son Prince Andrew. My heart breaks for the Queen, who will have been Monarch for seventy years this year.
Two years ago, Prince Andrew was interviewed by the BBC in a hope to close speculation on his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein. He succeeded in doing the exact opposite. Without saying it, he conveyed that it is quite normal for a public figure to have sex with random people, although it was ‘not’ Virginia Giuffre.
He said he could not sweat, er, hello?, but the Royal Navy put that lie to bed. He said he was at a pizza parlor that day, a lie exposed by his security detail.
He also said he went to visit Epstein to ‘end’ the acquaintance. That took several days it seems, if it happened. Who does that?
Now, having tried silence, having tried to use a secret settlement Epstein made with Giuffre, he must either settle with a large amount of money and a statement, or go to court. Whichever he chooses, he will have no reputation whatsoever. He already has no good reputation. Now all his military roles and titles are stripped from him. He sold his inheritance for a bowl of soup.
He sold his inheritance for a bowl of soup
The dictionary has several definitions for integrity;
the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.
“a gentleman of complete integrity”
synonyms:
honesty · uprightness · probity · rectitude · honor · honorablenes
In an interview for a job some years ago I used the word honorable.
My interviewer remarked that the word is rarely heard anymore. But I cannot be that unusual.
Another definition;
the state of being whole and undivided.
“upholding territorial integrity and national sovereignty”
synonyms:
unity · unification · wholeness · coherence · cohesion · undividedness · togetherness · solidarity · coalition
So a person with integrity is not divided into one behavior here but another over there. Their character is coherent, always kind, always truth telling, always honest, always sincere.
How do we live up to this?
With difficulty at times, but digging deep into our selves to do the right thing. The right thing is truth, paying debts, being kind, not sleeping with random people, not making fun of others, facing the consequences of our actions, being brave, being considerate.
I was once attended by a paramedic who displayed no kindness, no empathy, no compassion. He fixed me physically but left me spinning with his lecture of how my lungs should work, and demanding of me to explain why the go to vaporized medicine did not work for me. This paramedic was inappropriate and therefore lacked integrity.
We all, except sociopaths and psychopaths, get a strange feeling when we do something we know to be wrong. If we are not taught to pay attention to this feeling as children, we grow up to normalize it and therefore lose it.
If we get rebuked a great deal as children, or experience mild trauma, we become passive aggressive and hurt others without knowing. You can recognize passive aggression by feeling nervous about correcting their error. If your significant other is passive aggressive, you will know the tension, the sudden outburst, and the general menacing tone that appears often. Children must be protected from passive aggression.
Continued exposure to any aggression is violating, but passive aggression hides itself. The person maybe very popular online, but say the wrong the wrong thing and they will cut you out, block you, whatever it takes to silence you. They are afraid of their own truth and reality.
Wherever you see yourself in this essay, look for someone with whom to be accountable. Someone you admire in person. Don’t chose someone here, you don’t know them.
Make honesty and truth your watchwords as they are the foundation of integrity. Do not sleep with random people, it is not honorable. Check your speech for tiny lies, and stand alone if you need to. It is too easy to join the crowd.
Learn to read people. What they don’t say. Whether their smile reaches their eyes. The tone of voice. Make allowances for physical deficits, like a speech impediment. Watch for lack of eye contact or too much eye contact. Observe what they do with their hands. Pay attention to folded arms.
Call out racism, protect women and children, sometimes children from a woman. Let your word be word. Don’t give in to pressure to treat someone differently to how you treat others.
If you can treat a road sweeper as well as you would treat the Queen, you probably have integrity.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Brett Jordan on Unsplash
