Did I Become a Boring Weirdo? (Ambition vs. Fun)

Did I become a boring weirdo?

The lifestyle I prefer transformed from party queen to introvert. It was no big bang change — the transformation sneaked in unnoticed. Thanks, Covid!

Until today, I stopped going out every weekend, I stopped excessive drinking, and I see many friends less often. I have ambitions and targets I am super scared of. And now it’s Friday night, and after my tennis training, I am writing on medium. Sometimes, this makes me wonder:

💭 Did I become a weirdo throughout the pandemic?

💭 Did I exchange fun for being a loner?

Until I understood what was going on.

…

Forced to find my inner voice

Despite removing the party and super social stuff, my life looks ‘as always’ from the outside: Sustainability professional, plays tennis, writes a lot.

But man. E V E R Y T H I N G changed from within!

When the pandemic forced me to live a different default weekly schedule than drinks with friends, sports, over hours (did I mention drinks with friends?), I realized there was so much good in stopping that!

I invested more time in tennis (one of the few team sports still allowed during lockdown). My tennis game became stronger and I perceived my potential. I put in the reps — without a hangover on the court.
My working behavior is much healthier. I prefer time for my own needs over overperforming at work.
My writing leveled up! I used my free time to write a lot, most of the time in my journal. It taught me a lot about myself and how to write good texts. And it led to the break-up of a long-term relationship.
I went on climate strikes.

I did all the stuff that my heart was craving to fill that free time with. (Well, it just needed a global pandemic for that shift…)

I was forced to deal with myself.

…

Passion, not party

That strengthened my relationship with myself.

And made me realize that there are better things to do than engaging in meaningless activities and throwing my time away.

Instead of partying, I found passion.

Passion in defining the things that I love.

Passion for improving these.

And passion in exchanging short-term fun for long-term results.

Sounds boring? Here’s the most essential thing about why this did so much good for me.

…

Why escapism leaves us empty

Partying, over-socialising, and drinking postpone the critical questions in our heads. When we have fun, we do not need to think hard. We love ease. Why bother with defining real meaning — when a good feeling is so much easier to acquire? Beer anyone?

Humans tend to avoid inconveniences at all costs. So far, so bad for us: Have you ever been proud of yourself staying a whole day on the couch (convenient)? Or have you been proud about having your new personal best in a 10k run (forget about convenience!).

Ambitions do cost some part of your life — if what you consider fun hinders these ambitions.

For me, these costs were massively outweighed by the benefit of self-fulfillment. I know my nos now, I know my yeses!

I stopped following the social default (partying, extensive social life, outgoing = good), as I have seen what the standard option deprives me of: It distracts me from finding what brings me joy from within by just trying to act “normal” in society.

I do not say that working on my goals, I will never attend a party again, have a glass of prosecco, or go to social events with friends.

But I do not depend on these to fill an empty hole in my life anymore.

I know my ambitions and these are what brings me to life!

I am proud of myself.

Ambition is my fun. 🤘🏻

…

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***

From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

***

Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.

All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.

A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.