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Here is a summary of the transcript from YouTube, slightly edited with AI.
Did Millennials Ruin Dating? Gen Z, Situationships & the Rejection of Romance
Did We Completely Mess Up Dating?
Well guys, it’s official. We screwed it up.
What?
Dating. Us millennials. Our lot. We are responsible for toxic dating culture. We are responsible for the fast-food style dating that happens these days, for the obsession with texting and swiping and not being able to meet in the real world. Because our generation are the ones who created the dating apps that we all know and hate.
And now millennials have the goal to create podcasts talking about healthy love. It’s like creating the problem and then opening the rehab clinic.
So let’s talk about it.
Gen Z Is Dating Differently
Part of the inspiration for this episode was some research about how Gen Z is approaching dating differently from millennials.
There’s data suggesting that Gen Z is deprioritizing romantic relationships. Finding a romantic partner isn’t necessarily the primary goal. Instead, many are prioritizing mental well-being, career dreams, and friendships.
But can we take that at face value?
The idea that Gen Z isn’t dating because they’re focusing on their mental health sounds admirable. But if “focusing on mental health” just means turning to your phone instead of dating apps—are we really improving anything?
To be fair, Gen Z grew up with apps. Millennials remember life before Instagram, before swiping. Gen Z has always had dating apps and social media. And when we say dating apps, we’re not just talking about official platforms—we’re talking about Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat. Any place where you can interact with someone becomes a dating app.
Millennials experienced novelty. It felt unbelievable to meet someone from your couch. Gen Z grew up knowing the game. That makes them more skeptical—but also more exhausted.
The “Golden Era” of Dating Wasn’t That Golden
There’s a romanticized idea that before the apps, dating was better. But was it?
You had to walk across a bar, approach someone, risk rejection in public, and then stroll back awkwardly if it didn’t work out.
Women were often conditioned to wait and be chosen. Men were expected to approach. It wasn’t easy for anyone.
So while dating apps have problems, let’s not pretend the old system was perfect.
Are Gen Z Giving Up on Love?
Recent surveys suggest a growing rejection of dating apps among Gen Z. Many find them “lame.” A significant number say they’re tired of endless swiping. Others cite fear of rejection or being “cringe” as major concerns.
There’s also a rise in:
- Situationships
- “Explorationships” (no labels, just seeing where it goes)
- Relationship anarchy (deprioritizing romantic hierarchy altogether)
On the surface, it sounds evolved. But underneath, there can be a lot of hedging. A lot of, “I don’t want to be too vulnerable.”
Because the moment you really like someone, you don’t want them dating other people. Human nature hasn’t evolved out of jealousy in the last 15 years.
Often when two people say, “Let’s just see where it goes,” one person means, “I want to keep my options open.” The other means, “I don’t want to lose you.”
The Age Factor No One Talks About
How much of this is generational—and how much is simply age?
In your early 20s, you’re often more concerned about:
- Not looking too intense
- Not being “cringe”
- Not getting rejected
- Protecting your ego
You romanticize the process. You care about how it looks.
As you get older, you care less about the “how” and more about the “who.” You start thinking long-term. You drop some of the bravado. Intentionality increases.
That shift might be less about Gen Z versus millennials—and more about being 25 versus 35.
The Performative Side of Modern Dating
There’s also a performative element to dating now.
People post extravagant first dates on TikTok. Luxury restaurants. Champagne ordered without asking. “Princess treatment.”
But what does that prove?
Spending money isn’t character. Flashy isn’t compatible.
And when dating becomes content, it becomes harder to tell whether people are building connection—or just building an audience.
The Real Problem With Dating Apps
Whatever generation you’re in, the criticisms of dating apps are legitimate.
The incentives are wrong.
- Apps are designed to maximize swipes.
- Users are incentivized to keep browsing.
- The system is dopamine-fueled and addictive.
It’s not optimized for two intentional people to find each other. It’s optimized for engagement.
Imagine putting people who want real relationships in a mixer with people who just want to hook up, shaking it vigorously, and celebrating that a few couples happen to form by chance. Yes, relationships occur. But so does enormous pain and mismatched intention.
Are We Glorifying the Single Life?
There’s also a growing wave of content glorifying single life:
“Look at my freedom.”
“Look at my vacations.”
“Look at how peaceful I am without kids or a partner.”
And sometimes that’s genuinely empowering.
But sometimes it becomes an echo chamber—celebrating one path while dismissing all others.
We all look for emotional buttons that make our current stage of life feel exciting. When single, maybe you relate to a carefree movie character. When heartbroken, you look for strength. When settled, you look for stability.
That’s human.
The danger is turning it into black-and-white thinking:
- Being single is the only happy life.
- Being in a relationship is the only happy life.
- Situationships forever is freedom.
- Opting out of dating entirely is the answer.
Life rarely fits into those extremes.
Opting Out of Dating: Empowered or Avoidant?
Many people say they’ve found peace by stepping away from dating. And for some, that’s real.
If you genuinely feel fulfilled—career, friendships, purpose—and romance simply isn’t important to you, that’s valid.
But if you’re telling yourself you don’t want love because you’re afraid you can’t get it in the form you want, that’s different.
The key question isn’t:
“Should I be dating?”
It’s:
“Am I being honest with myself about what I truly want?”
The Desire to Connect Doesn’t Always Go Away
For many people, the desire for romantic connection doesn’t disappear. It might quiet down. It might get buried under disappointment.
But it often resurfaces.
And when it does, the question becomes:
Do I choose peace by avoiding this area entirely?
Or do I choose courage—venturing back out with better standards and better awareness than I had five or ten years ago?
Final Thought: Whatever You Want, Own It
Whether you’re Gen Z, millennial, single, dating, exploring, or opting out—what matters most is alignment.
If you want partnership, go after it intentionally.
If you want freedom, own that honestly.
Just don’t let ego, fear of rejection, or performative culture make the decision for you.
The real win isn’t being single or coupled.
The real win is being truthful about what you actually want—and brave enough to pursue it.
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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