Did You Have Any Allies Growing Up?

In the class that I’m facilitating, on healing the authoritarian wound through writing, we’ve been chatting this week about allies.

Too many people who had to grow up with an authoritarian father or mother (or an authoritarian sibling, grandparent, etc.) not only had that terrible burden to deal with but also found themselves with no allies: with no one to love them, with no one to protect them from the bully, and with no one to say, “This isn’t right and this shouldn’t be happening.”

Some, however, did have a single ally; and that ally, even if he or she couldn’t protect the child from the bully, made a profound, positive difference in that child’s life. When with her ally, often her grandmother, that child felt safe, loved, and validated. Sad to say, this ally, so loving and helpful in private, tended to crumble in the presence of the authoritarian and tended to defer completely to the authoritarian in all matters. But when the child and the ally were alone together, something loving happened.

Did you have an experience of this sort? If so, you might want to do the following. If the ally is still living, you might want to write him or her a note—a thank you note, if that is what is in your heart to send, or a more “mixed” note in which you express both your thanks and your dismay that he or she couldn’t help more. Whether or not the ally is still living, you might want to write about the experience, as there might be something warming, soothing, and healing in the memory.

In kirism, we advocate for and try to follow the principle of “doing the next right thing.” Might writing about or communicating with your childhood ally be a next right thing for you?

If you haven’t had a chance yet to take a peek at Lighting the Way, in which kirism is described and introduced, please come take a look. You might find it a rich and valuable experience. And remember, you can follow all of my blog posts (I write for Psychology Today, Thrive Global, and Fine Art America, as well as The Good Men Project and other outlets) by subscribing for free here.