Here is one simple shift in the bedroom that will transform your entire relationship…
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See the author’s TEDx Talk on Creating Extraordinary Intimacy in a Shut Down World
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Nature was kind enough to wire us guys for one thing sexually speaking. That is to spread our seed far and wide and often as possible. This is the reason we can be madly in love with our mate but still steal glances of some cute gal walking by. It’s why we have such a sense of urgency when we have an erection. Often generating a desperate need to use it and seek release from its incessant yearnings sometimes throwing caution and good sense to the wind. And the reason for this wiring is quite simple: to populate the planet as quickly and effectively as possible. Our collective survival depended upon it. But now that we achieved that particular existential objective, that same wiring gets in the way of many committed couples achieving the deepest levels of physical intimacy.
Fortunately, there is an easy and immediate fix to this problem. One that will promptly transform you into the best lover she has ever had.
No Urgency, No Problem
What I’m about to share with you I discovered quite inadvertently on my own in the face of what most men would call the ultimate tragedy, full impotence. Since then I’ve encountered a number of other experts who have also been expounding the same advice, which all-to-often falls on deaf ears.
The problem with the urgency that comes with an erection is, in the words of Robin Williams: “God gave men a brain and a penis but only enough blood to run one at a time.” For the most part, this is so true. At least it was for me prior to being struck with prostate cancer and the resulting full clinical impotence. When I did have hard-ons I just wanted to have sex –period. Despite the fact I fancied myself as a sensitive and considerate lover, that urge was always lurking and had significant influence on my lovemaking. Not always to the greatest fulfillment of my partner.
Something that came as a big surprise to me as a side “benefit” of my impotence was the significant reduction of urgency I felt upon sexual arousal. While I still have a strong libido (desire for sex) the visceral urgency typically associated with an erection is no longer there. This allows me to slow way down for my partner and please her first in the way she wants before receiving reciprocation.
Be The Man That Fulfills Her the Most
It is this last part that is the key. Because of my “condition” it is now easy for me to delay my gratification so that I can focus on her first. Like many women, she requires a much longer warm-up period than most men do prior to achieving orgasm. And by delaying my own gratification, I can take the requisite time and be fully present while giving to her. This approach consistently results in her having an endless series of climaxes until her desire for reciprocation exceeds the pleasure she is receiving. When she returns the favor under these circumstances, it is unlike anything I’ve experienced before. And, for what it is worth, I find the sense of fulfillment and pleasure in giving to her in this way greatly exceeds the sexual gratification I receive in return, as powerful as it is. In essence, delayed gratification and taking the time to please her in the way she prefers is its own reward for every man willing to give it a try.
And I’m not the only one promoting the benefits of this approach. In his best-selling book “She Comes First – The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman” author Ian Kerner, Ph.D. expounds on the many reasons delayed gratification on the part of the male is absolutely crucial to maximizing the female’s sexual response. And he cites many scientific studies to support that contention. Physiologically and psychologically speaking, women are built differently than men resulting in a more gradual sexual response profile. To ignore these differences and just plow ahead to satisfy erectile longings leaves much on the table in terms of fulfillment and satisfaction of both parties.
Are You Giving Her the Space to Experience Unlimited Female Sexual Potential?
Based upon my own experience it became very clear to me that women effectively have no limits to the depth and breadth of sexual capacity. Studies by famed sex researchers Master’s and Johnson further corroborates this. They found that some women are capable of as many as 50 distinctly separate orgasms during a single session of arousal. They and other researchers have also found that women have the ability to experience many different types of orgasms. Kind of makes our few minutes of thrusting and ensuing grunt pale by comparison, doesn’t it?
There is no need for envy however. That’s because we (men) can create the “space” that allows for the full blossoming of our woman’s sexual experience. But this space can only be created when the man is willing to delay (not forgo) his own gratification and slow down to please her in the way she prefers. In so doing, the man receives the greatest intimate reward of all, knowing he genuinely satisfied her like no other.
Don’t take my word for it. Next time you make love, don’t tell her what you are doing, just slow down and pleasure her until she can’t hold back any longer on the urge to reciprocate. And then, let her do it to you as you receive fully her sensuous gifts.
This one simple shift of delaying your own gratification to slow down and please her in the way she wants will open her eyes to you as the world’s greatest lover. Perhaps more importantly, by doing so, you are also creating a practice that will ensure your intimacy and overall relationship will only grow stronger over time. And that is a continuing state of bliss few couples indeed can claim.
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