Do This When the Narcissist Starts Stonewalling You

What are the most notorious methods of punishment a narcissist uses?

discards
stonewalling (silent treatments)
the need for “space”
grey rocking
ghosting
initiating NC (no contact)

But why do you think that is?

Why would these methods be their go-to’s, in every single one of their relationship? Because this is what works on them.

This is what hurts narcissists the most. Why? Because all of these strategies involve the withholding of attention.

Your attention is the most expensive form of currency you will ever give a narcissist, especially in relationships.

Attention comes in many forms:

gifts
compliments
money
quality time
energy
arguments
genuine love

All of this is attention.

This is how energy vampires are fed. This is their currency because attention is love to a narcissist. There is no difference between the two.

Attention is the greatest “I love you” you can give a narcissist because they were starved of it as children.

They were used to abusive parents, family, peers, and even crushes who usually pulled back their kindness, efforts, or affection abusively; usually once they felt comfortable after an abusive period.

Therefore, the reason they pull back from you once you get comfortable is to beat you to the punch.

They pull back before you do, in fear, and to maintain control over preventing you from doing it to them, first.

They’re afraid you’ll blindside them by pulling away and going cold, unprovoked. So their solution is to begin the power play.

Unprovoked.

Narcissists Hide Their Achilles Heel in Plain Sight.

Let’s talk specifically about stonewalling.

stone·wall·ing

adjective

to delay or block (a request, process, or person) by refusing to answer questions or by giving evasive replies, especially in politics.

Stonewalling is a preferred method of punishment, and condition, among most narcissists.

The trauma behind being ignored is ceasing to exist to someone while still actively being alive. It’s an emotional optical illusion that ends in pain.

It’s an active death and the complete opposite of attention — indifference. Even worse than that? It’s intentional indifference. But there’s an unexpected catch to their strategy.

They’ve been exposing directly to you what destroys them by implementing these strategies with you, they have actually been handing you the key to their destruction. It’s been hidden in exactly how they try to destroy you.

The reason narcissists get away with it is because you’re too busy fighting to function in survival mode, to think straight long enough to pay closer attention.

Otherwise, you would’ve realized they’ve been exposing their weaknesses to you the whole time.

Yes.

All of that withholding

love
affection
attention
quality time, and
intimacy

from you works for them…

because it works on them.

You’ve Had the Answers All Along

Have you ever noticed when you’re the one who’s angry or upset the rules suddenly change? Suddenly they don’t want you to have space or to detach from them, but it’s okay for them to do it to you.

Some of them will even justify it by telling you:

“We’re two different people.”

Fuck that.

The truth is narcissists can’t handle it when you do what they do. They don’t want to face the same repercussions you face.

They can’t handle it when you remove

your attention
your energy
your presence

because it forces them to confront the truth; the narcissists are the ones who actually can’t live without you. Afterall, you are the supply.

They need you more than you need them (even if you don’t realize this yet).

They looked for you.
They sought you out.
They preyed on you, specifically.

And there was a reason for it.

Once you withhold your attention and/or stop chasing them for theirs, they will panic because it will trigger their fear of abandonment, rejection, loss, and low self-worth. Especially, if you do it in response to them ignoring you. It’s hard to be the victim when you started the war.

Narcissists know exactly how badly their actions hurt because it wounded them to be on the receiving end as children. They’re familiar with that same sense of panic they ignite in you. So, keep calm in a narcissistic crisis.

No matter how bad it hurts

Let them ignore you
Do not chase them
Remain silent

Stand your ground and stand on business, especially if they were the ones who initiated the silent treatment. Let the consequences of the games they choose to play with communication put them in crisis mode, this trigger response will cause them to call their own bluff.

Don’t believe me? Watch.

Your narcissist will be back to hoover you soon.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***