Do We Actually Fall in Love Once?

We all have had a first love in this life. At the age of 15, at the age of 20, at the age of 25, we felt the love to the fullest. The moments I want you to think about while reading this article belong to those times.

So was this really a one-time thing?

I’ve always been someone who knew what I wanted in life. Even if my master plan is always secret, I know what to do and I act to reach it. If I didn’t tell everyone about my plans or feelings, I would take whatever form the situation required and proceed to my main goal. Don’t think of me as egoistic or narcissistic here. I just have certain goals and I want to reach them, and the most likely way is to use my mind. But there came a time when the people, whom I had scrutinized for years, the words disappeared for a person.

I don’t want to name that woman, but it was my first year of college. I had a cheerful, energetic, excited character. We can say that I was like a child, but I always had a seriousness in life. Anyway, somehow I was smiling, I didn’t let nonsense people bother me, or rather, I never cared about them.

…

But one day I met a woman

That self-confidence I trusted went down in front of her. I played all kinds of games to get her attention. With the effect of our young age, very funny and sweet situations have developed. Everything was so innocent and beautiful.

We became lovers shortly after. I’ve had many girlfriends or dates, but this one was different for me.

My world really revolved around her.

Everything was going so well that I can’t tell you. From here on, I want to divide the story into 2parts;
–Heaven
–Hell

Heaven

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

At first, I felt like I was in heaven. I couldn’t sleep at night without talking to her, her messages were the first thing I looked at in the morning on my phone.

Of course, there is no need to prolong it, if you have read this far in my article, you are familiar with these feelings. I felt invincible, I didn’t need anyone else as long as she was by my side, I found the energy to do everything in myself. I was full of life energy. I was radiating joy. I actually had a life like a movie.

Every action I did was developing for her. I even shot a movie and played it in the cinema. I’m saving this story for another post, but I’m sure you’ll be surprised. The important thing here is that I lost myself, I fell in love stupidly. This couple dancing in the street was slowly starting to disappear. I put all the strings in the relationship into her hands. While I was a great man in her eyes at first, my worth gradually began to disappear.

Time passed and the love between us was dying. I was desperately trying my best to save this situation. Gifts full of love, messages… But now I realized that it was time to part. SHe didn’t love me anymore…

We went to a restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. She was only there because it was our anniversary, otherwise, that day was not special to her. We raised our glasses and she asked me what to raise our glasses to. It is right in front of my eyes right now.

At that moment, I was so aware of what would happen, I said to her,

“Your love for me is over, but I don’t have the courage to leave you because I love you. That’s why I said let’s drink to the time we will spend until you leave me.”

She was surprised for a moment and said that there was no such thing. But while she was saying these words, I saw how right I was…

…

Hell

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

Not long after, she invited me for coffee. She broke up with me there. I remember saying the words,

“I hope you live what you did to me”

My immense strength had vanished, I had become a man of helpless pain. I can remember people looking at me with painful eyes. Then the story unfolded as you might expect. She went on with his life happily, and I stalked her as a fool, trying desperately to win her back. I just disgraced myself.

Here my love story ends, now let’s come to our main topic

Time passed, I’ve been with many women to forget that woman. But I could never feel what I felt when I was with her. It’s been 10 years and I still can’t feel that way with any woman. The high point of my life was when I was with her. When I fell in love with her.

My opinion is that once in our life we fall in love in a childlike way. With all our heart and faith. But too much love brings separation. What we learn from that relationship then determines our personality and subsequent relationships. I don’t know if I will find love again, or if I can feel that way again, but one thing is for sure, I will never be in that situation again. As a result, my enthusiasm, desire, and faith are gone.

The only thing I feel right now is that there is a huge void in my life and I try to fill it with other women. But with my 10 years of experience, I couldn’t find anyone who would fill the gap that I wanted to say. For this reason, I don’t believe anyone can fill that gap. I think we only fall in love once.

With love,

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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