Do You Find Love When You Least Expect It?

Dating has been fun. But I can’t lie. This past year has felt like work. Finding the right one shouldn’t feel like work. Dating, aka looking for love shouldn’t be exhausting.

Love shouldn’t be exhausting.

I ran into one of the guys in my building the other morning.

“How’s dating going?” he asked.

“I’m not really feeling it these days,” I said. “I’m not that interested anymore.”

“You’re going to meet someone now.”

“You think?”

“Yes,” he said. “That’s when you meet someone when you’re not looking. I met my girlfriend when I had given up on dating, and focused on working on myself.”

“Maybe.”

“It’s going to happen,” he said. “You’re going to meet someone now.”

Do You Find Love When You’re Not Looking?

A few days later I walked into a restaurant to meet my friend for dinner.

“I almost drank your wine,” says the guy next to us.

“I appreciate your restraint,” I say.

He continues to chat with us. He’s an Irish guy from Boston. I will always bond with an Irish Northerner. I was raised in a family of Irish Northerners.

He’s been divorced for several years. He has three boys about the same ages as my three boys. We’re about the same age.

He’s nice with that distinct smack of Celtic smartass.

It’s working for him.

He’s got a great energy. He’s messing with me a bit. It’s a familiar brand of humor. One that runs rampant in my own family. He tells me that of course, an Irish Colleen would be a redhead.

“I’m blonde now,” I tell him.

“Nah,” he says. “I see the red.”

There’s a playfulness to him. It’s authentic. It’s not forced. He’s seemingly genuine. It brings me into the present. It makes me take note of the moment.

Joy is attractive.

Happiness is attractive.

Do You Find Someone When You Least Expect It?

Sometimes it’s a good thing to give up.

It clears the path for something new, something unexpected. The problem with me? It takes me a long time to give up. I’m a hopeless optimist. It gets me into trouble.

I’ve gotta kick that girl to the curb.

Sometimes you have to get into a rumble with yourself. And remind yourself that you’re the one getting yourself into trouble. I didn’t want to let go of someone.

I understood this.

It challenged me. I didn’t want to turn a man into a memory. I wanted to laugh with him again. But on this night, I felt present. I wasn’t thinking of that man.

I wasn’t thinking of the fear my ex-husband instilled in me.

The internal dialogue had been interrupted.

All of it was gone.

I was authentically present. I was open. I was no longer telling myself that I couldn’t find someone new because if I did another door would permanently close.

Feeling lonely for a man is not a path to happiness. It’s a road to misery.

Looking for love should not be exhausting.

It shouldn’t be work.

I had been trying too hard for more than a year. I had been working overtime to force myself to get out there and try and meet a guy. But that was never me.

It was a phase I’d been going through after divorce and heartache.

It stands to reason that it is one of the many reasons I haven’t met a man since I began dating. I haven’t been acting like myself. This isn’t me. I was never the young girl in need of a man, nor was I the divorced woman in need of a man.

The girl these guys have met wasn’t entirely me.

The Reason You Can Find Love When You’re Not Looking

What’s one of the biggest reasons people find love when they’re not looking?

You are more likely to be yourself.

You aren’t projecting anything. You are comfortable in your own skin. You aren’t trying hard to attract someone. You’re just authentically being yourself.

Other Reasons You Can Find Love When You’re Not Looking

There are several other reasons you can find love when you’re not looking.

1. You’re Present

You aren’t on the hunt. You aren’t preoccupied. You don’t have a preset expectation, or list of what or whom you are searching for. This means you’re in the moment.

You’re open to whatever, or whoever crosses your path.

2. You’re Not Trying Too Hard

No one comes across their best when they’re trying too hard. It’s a forced version of ourselves. It’s not the relaxed self-assured individual we would typically be.

Trying too hard is less attractive.

3. You’re Focusing On Yourself, Not Someone Else

My friend mentioned that he met someone when he turned the focus inward. He decided to work on himself. He worked on growth and healing after his divorce.

He regained his sense of self.

It reinforces the confidence we temporarily lose during a divorce. It strengthens our love for ourselves. A love that is necessary to properly love another human being.

As I mentioned earlier, joy and happiness are attractive.

These are a few of the reasons people often find love when they aren’t searching for it. It’s why they meet someone when they least expect it.

There are zero expectations.

We are in the present. We are in the moment. We aren’t looking to the past, and we aren’t projecting. We are open to meeting the right person who crosses our path.

We are relaxed, confident, and authentic.

We exude a better energy.

The type of energy that attracts people.

The type of energy that is attractive.