They say the closest people in your life are the ones who will hurt you the most.
I don’t mean like they genuinely want to hurt you. However, disagreements are unavoidable, especially in the relationship, and with that comes a fight.
Your partner might say something stupid, and it hurts you real bad. It can take you days to get over it.
Sometimes, sorry isn’t enough. Your partner can argue with you all night that they didn’t truly mean it, but it happened.
Your partner can’t take back the words, and now you’re in pain.
What will you do in a situation like this? Will you take revenge on your partner? Or simply forgive him/her?
Still, you can’t get over how painful it was!
I hear you. That’s what I felt last week.
We had a big argument over stupid things that turned into two days of fights. Even though it’s clear that the solution is to let go and move on, it’s not that easy.
Before anything else, make peace with yourself first
“Most couples get too caught up in the stress of the relationship rather than in the sensuality thereof.” — Lebo Grand
Go outside. Spend some time alone and let your mind be unrestrained for a second.
I know it’s tempting to overthink your relationship and the current issues over and over again until you know what to do about it, but you don’t have to beat yourself up too much.
Give yourself a break.
You probably notice when a big problem happens, it’s easy to think your whole life is over. You’ve rarely got nothing going right all at the same time.
Your relationship might fall apart, but there must be something else outside it that’s doing just fine. Your career is still thriving, and your family loves you.
That’s why it’s necessary to get out of that relationship bubble and make peace with yourself. Catch yourself from overthinking and making the situation worse.
What your partner does to fix it matters
“What comes easy won’t last long, and what lasts long won’t come easy.” — Francis Kong
Does your partner reach out to you and admit that he/she is wrong? What does your partner do to make up for it?
Remember, while we’ll eventually choose to let go and forgive, saying “sorry” won’t cut it. Your partner needs to show you that he/she’s genuinely sorry.
They should try their best not to let it happen again. Acknowledge your hurt feelings and actually care to make it better in the future.
Some of us are more forgiving than others, while sometimes we let poor treatment slide.
There are mainly two reasons for that. First, we convinced ourselves our partner didn’t intentionally want to hurt us. Second, we still love them dearly.
If you’re getting hurt by the same kind of treatment from their end over and over again, it’s worth bringing it up.
You are hurt. Own that feeling.
Remember, you don’t have to suffer alone. People in healthy relationships aren’t afraid to express and communicate their true feelings.
They don’t shut down their feelings and act like everything’s okay. If there are some actions from their partner that hurt them, they talk about it and see what the partner is going to do to fix it.
If by any chance, your partner refuses to give you more than a shallow apology, it’s a warning sign. She/he doesn’t truly care about your feelings.
Remind yourself of the bigger picture
“All relationships go through hell, real relationships get through it.” — Anonymous
It’s so easy to focus on our current feelings and eventually make a decision out of it. Your mind will tell you that this person sucks, and you want to run away.
However, remember that your feelings are pretty much temporary. They change all the time.
As people say, avoid making a big decision when you’re too sad or too happy.
Instead of focusing on “I can’t be with this person”, let’s change the narrative in your head into, “what’s my goal with this person?”
If your goal is to settle down and spend the rest of your life with your partner, keep it. Try to see the good things in them and everything they’ve done for you along the way.
Also, it’s necessary to see from another perspective; we aren’t perfect. So is your partner.
As long as he/she still wants to put in the effort, I don’t see why you should let the pain consume you even longer.
The fight is either break or make your relationship
“Fight is a way to show no matter what you both will stick together forever.” — Anonymous
In every fight that happens, there’s always something to learn.
But again, it depends on your commitment level towards each other. My mom used to tell me that a fight would either make or break the relationship.
If one or both parties feel like they want to quit, a fight is only the media they use to walk away. Rather than trying to solve the problem together, they prove to each other that it will never work out.
Yeah, it’s THAT easy to call it quits.
On the other hand, a fight can make two people realize why they want to be together. It makes the relationship so much stronger than it’s ever been before.
They learn about each other on a deeper level through the fight. When they reunite, they will promise to love each other better.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com