Do You Know Why You Need to Text First After a Date?

Your fear of rejection holds you back from receiving the answer you need to get. Are you still in the game? Do you want to be in the game? Is there a game? Well. You won’t find it out by sitting at home, doing nothing, or even worse, waiting for your date to write the first text.

Not writing the first text after a date is a common mistake I see my friends making. Often, they’re too insecure about themselves. Even if they want to know the answer, they can’t put themselves on the spot and write the first text.

Here’s what I tell my friends when they ask me why they need to write the first text:

Text first to find out where you at

You’re at the end of a date, and you’re not sure where you stand. Should you text first?

The answer is yes. You should text first because it will save you time, drama, and a headache. In contrast, doing nothing won’t get you anywhere. You uncomfortably remain in the dead zone of not knowing.

For me, it’s worse than to knowing where I am at. Don’t you agree that not knowing stresses you more than knowing where you’re at? Don’t you feel like uncertainty pains worse than clarity?

I have had too many friends complaining after their first date because they lacked the patience to wait for a text. If you struggle with patience, go ahead and text your date first. There’s no shame in it. Naturally, you want to have closure after the first date.

Avoid the guess

When you’re trying to figure out what’s going on with someone, it’s best not to make them guess. You don’t want to sit around, waiting for a phone call that might never come — and if it does, then maybe you’ll have wasted hours or even days between texts.

Guessing is an empty habit that most people procrastinate in like Alice, who fell down the rabbit hole. Do you want to go the rabbit hole again? Is it worth waiting? The thing with guessing is that you never get an answer. You can spend an hour, days, weeks, or even months guessing.

No matter how long you ponder, you’ll never reach a level of certainty. Isn’t this drowning? Well. It’s certainly not a happy space to stay in, and neither is it a productive habit. Most of the time, it’s better to make it short and simple: aim right for the answer.

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Texting is the fastest track

Texting can be an easy way to get an answer without having to wait around or try too hard. If your date isn’t interested in seeing you again, they’ll tell you so right away by refusing to respond or sending something vaguely like “I’ve been busy lately” or “I’m just not feeling it.” Does waiting for such an answer do you any favor?

I couldn’t think of one. It only gets worse when they don’t answer you. Maybe your date moved on. They could be a serial dater, an open dater, or simply not interested in you. Keeping the door open will only get your feet dirty from waiting for it to close magically. When it does with a loose text of your date, it usually hits harder than when you make the first step.

If you write the first text, you do your date and yourself a favor. Side note: No response is also a response. Do you find yourself double-texting? Waiting for answers? Or receiving short, unfriendly texts that read like a chore? Well. I hate to tell you, but your date is probably not that into you.

The frequency and likelihood of receiving a text is an answer within itself. Sometimes you have to put clues together together to get a clear image. It’s tough to collect the pieces of rejection alone. So get yourself a good friend and let them read through the texts. Acknowledge their opinion and thank them for their advice. A third person is the best help to get you out of your misery.

Communication is important

When you’re dating someone new, there’s so much that can go wrong about communication.

Communication is the primary reason, why relationships, friendships, and even basic transactions fail. Many people underestimate the value of communication. I don’t want you to follow them in disregarding the importance of straight and short messages.

You don’t want to be left in the dark about where your relationship stands, but it’s also easy to make things worse if you text too soon or too late — or if you send too many messages in one night!

The balance has to be right. View chats as conversations. Just because you send as many texts as you want, doesn’t mean that you should. Overtexting is a turn-off. Avoid it as much as you can. These days, we’re all trapped in our phones. Your text sees your date. You don’t have to worry about it.

Sometimes you can’t control it

I’m not saying you have to text first after a date, but I am saying that if you want to know where you at, then go for it. Texting is straightforward and will help keep things moving along smoothly.

You can’t control whether or not someone texts you, but you can control how much time and energy you put into trying to make it happen. If your date goes first, work on a solid answer. Acknowledging their courage to make the first step helps you.

Put yourself in your date’s shoes before you text back. What are they trying to get out of you? What do they need to know? Are you already reading a genuine reaction from their side? It’s important to factor all these things in and leave the fluff aside.

Crafting a good text, reading it before you send it, and awaiting a response are all that you have to do. Skip the fluff, avoid the emojis and speak your mind. Kindly respond or write a clear text to your date.

What you should and shouldn’t say

If you do decide to text first, keep it straightforward. Don’t overthink the message or try too hard — just let them know how much fun the date was and ask if they want to grab coffee sometime soon.

Overthinking your message only harms your confidence. But what if you didn’t like the date? Well, those messages aren’t that easy to craft. You could leave it with a thank you for the date and await their response.

Depending on who it is to date, you might need to come up with a final answer, but never allow anyone to push you over or upset you when you reject them.

No response? No need to panic!

If they don’t respond immediately, don’t panic! They may have just been busy or distracted by something else at the time of your text. Give them time and space before trying again — but don’t wait too long!

If they still haven’t responded after a few days or so, then maybe it’s time to move on… unless they were really into you and just needed some more time before reciprocating your feelings back toward them (which would be awesome).

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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