It’s my friend’s thirty-seventh birthday today. You know, that friend I wrote so negatively about on this platform in the past — who also wrote me a check for five thousand dollars without hesitation? Yeah, that friend.
I handed that check over to my lawyer last year and never looked back — until today.
I’m sorry, Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她), this piece won’t be as long as the first time I talked about my thirty-year friendship, but it will be a little heftier than your requested 150-word responses.
I’ve got some stuff to get off my chest.
. . .
First off, I want to say that I don’t regret anything I’ve ever written about Wendy and me. I meant every word. We’ve been through the wringer together, and I love her and her family to death.
Secondly, I am looking for a bit of relief from the guilt I still feel for venting about specific topics. So, what better opportunity to do so other than write up a response to Lucy Dan’s heart-tugging, thought-provoking prompts on friendship?
Let’s do this!
[1] How do you currently honour and celebrate your friendships on a regular basis?
It took me thirty years to figure it out. But I honor and celebrate my friendships the only way I know how now; by accepting them, warts and all, while simultaneously holding space for myself (and my needs) in the friendship and maintaining healthy boundaries between the two.
[2] Is there more that you want to do?
I’m working on the delicate balance between my extreme introversion (and hoarding my alone time to work on my writing). And the extroverted part of me who sits and drinks lattes (or hard sparkling seltzers on rare occasions) while learning to enjoy life and her friendships again. Secondly, I’m working on passing less judgment on myself and the important people I hold dear in my life. It’s incredible how much more at ease everyone else appears to be when I’m more focused on relaxing and at home within myself.
[3] Is there stuff you used to do that you really liked and want to make more of a point of doing?
I used to laugh and drink coffee for hours with friends. I used to go on walks, bike rides, to beaches, and sushi binges with friends. I miss it — all of it. And I want more it (and them) in my life.
In The End
Over the years I’ve been writing on this platform, there has always been an ominous cloud of guilt hanging over me. I’ll admit, sometimes, my brutal honesty about this particular friend kept me up at night.
Today, I’m here for love and redemption.
I paid Wendy every single cent of that 5k back. I feel pretty good about that. In a way, that transaction between us was the best and most dangerous thing we could have done to rebuild the trust in our friendship again.
But, so far, so good!
Would you lend your friend 5k?
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This post was previously published on The Brain is a Noodle.
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