Does Facebook Rehab Exist?

I’m writing an email I have to send to my boss about an issue I found. I dread the conversation that will follow. I hate being the messenger. I reach for my phone and hit that blue and white ‘F’. I scroll mindlessly through pictures of dogs and posts from my groups. I have no idea how much time passes before I get back to my email.

I’m in a Zoom meeting. I try to say something, but someone talks over me. I feel ignored. I wonder if I am somehow on the outs. I reach out and grab my phone and open the Facebook app. I scroll until I feel better.

Every time I feel a tingle of anxiety, I am looking for my phone and that Facebook app. Every time I feel bored, I open the app. Sometimes I am not even aware I am doing it. Sometimes I have been scrolling for who knows how long when I suddenly come to and am wondering what I’m doing. When did I even pick up my phone? I don’t remember doing it at all. But here I am waking up from a long scroll.

I make a point to never check social media when I am with my partner. I am committed to always being present with him. But the second he goes to the bathroom, I open the app for a quickie scroll. I need to see what my notifications are about after all.

I feel the urge to check my phone multiple times a day. I’ve tried putting it in different rooms away from me. I get up and walk to that room when the urge hits. I’ve tried moving the location of the app into a folder to make it harder to get to. It doesn’t stop me.

It’s the first thing I do when I wake up and the last thing I do before bed.

My phone tells me that my average daily screen time is 7 hours and 59 minutes.

Hello, my name is Melinda and I am a Facebook addict.

I am old enough to remember the days before smart phones. I miss those days. I miss the days of hanging out with my friends and no one was staring into a phone. I miss not having the constant urge to look at my phone. I miss not caring where my phone was. I miss not living as a tech addict. I miss my freedom.

The creators of the Facebook app were clever. They knew how the human brain works. They know how to give us little hits of dopamine so we would keep using the app. They did it on purpose. They knew what they were doing. Now, all my brain wants is that dopamine. At first, I used it to feel better when I felt anxious. Now, I think I start to feel anxious when I have gone “too long” without looking at the app. Now, I “need” the dopamine or I will have a withdrawal.

I’ve thought about deleting the app. I feel nervous whenever I consider it. I know I will go through withdrawal then. I know it will be unpleasant. I always have an excuse why I can’t delete it right now. ‘I’m selling stuff on marketplace.’ or ‘I need to use it for my business.’ Both are bullshit. But they are convenient when I don’t want to give up my dopamine.

Does rehab for Facebook exist? Is there an AA for Facebook users that I can attend? I know I have a problem. I am not sure I can stop. There is so much pressure to be connected. Everyone is on the apps. I want to be too. But I want to use it and not have it use me. It seems like that isn’t an option for me. At least not right now.

I’m going to do it. I’m going to delete the app. Right now.

I did it. It’s gone.

I feel ok because I know I still have Instagram.

I hate you, Facebook.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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