Tom Matlack knows why he started The Good Men Project. Now he’d like to know: Why are you here?
It is beginning to feel, at times, like The Good Men Project has a bit of the Occupy Movement in us in the sense that we all know this is important, but we each have a different reason why. And, as a result, our list of demands can easily come into direct conflict.
I had my own reasons for starting The Good Men Project. I have said many times it was purely selfish: I wanted an excuse to learn from inspiring men from completely different backgrounds what being a good man meant to them. And I have been rewarded a thousand times over, men of color, men in prison, men at war, women who became men, gay men, straight men, swingers. You name it, I have been moved and changed by the stories shared as part of our movement.
But the debate remains, and for good reason, what is the real mission of The Good Men Project?
I got two emails this week from well-known writers, both of whom did not want to leave comments and even share their words. I suppose that in a world where manhood is up for grabs, and the fear of reprisal is great, the truth is sometimes hard to say out in the open.
Nevertheless I am sharing them here in hopes that you will reflect on what it is that you value about what we are attempting here, what is right about our mission, and what you’d like to see more of.
I sometimes feel odd trying to go with the flow of contemporary masculinity. One must, to a certain extent. But I am a defector from what I see as a bankrupt ideology. I overdosed on the whole world of football and its thinly veiled celebration of war and its occult rapist ethics. It is not only at Penn State that it constitutes a cult.
Anyway, I value The Good Men Project for many reasons, not least of which is its willingness to try to meet men where they are and encourage us to ask questions and work out the answers provisionally in our lives. I call myself a feminist because the work of that second wave of feminists was crucial to me in coming to understand the structures of abusive power. But that word has been poisoned (even for young women!) and the earnest mens’ magazines that came out of that feminist revolution end up reaching only their faithful, preaching to the choir and all that. So thank you for your work, that’s really all I was trying to say.
And here is the second one:
I watched the GMP documentary again this evening and was reminded of how–and why–I was drawn to the GMP to begin with. It was because it was nice to hear real men’s stories from actual men, for a change, instead of from women, or shrinks, or talk show hosts, and how moving the documentary actually is–and why.
It just seems to me that if men want to hear what’s wrong with them, especially from women, there is an entire array of magazines and other venues for just that purpose. Sometimes, I think, men are actually OK just as they are, and the one thing they need to work on is the ability to tell and articulate their own stories about the challenges they face as men in their lives after a lifetime of being sneered at, in one way or another, or called ‘whiners’ for articulating them. From the first time a little boy falls down and is told not to cry, to learning how to endure pain and suppress his feelings as an adolescent, the message is “shut up and take it.” Taking it is one thing–shutting up is quite another.
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad freeI guess I just never really saw the GMP as a place where there would be a such regular dosage of chastisement for being male. I’m sure I’m not the only guy on the site that groans a little when he reads on the GMP how much work he has to do to “fix” himself, or who isn’t all that interested in constantly hearing about how incredibly well off men are because of their “privilege” (and I can tell you that the much-vaunted “male privilege” looks very different to someone who grew up as a skinny, feminine gay boy to whom “male privilege” was entirely withheld) either in articles or in the letters section–though it’s great that readers express their views so freely.
But as I’ve said before, I know exactly what the response would be if male readers of a site called “The Good Womyn’s Project” too to the letters section to explain to the women how they could “improve” themselves, or be “better women.”
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55 Comments on "Does The Good Men Project Have a Mission?"
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[…] The Good Men Project founder Tom Matlack posed the question: Does the Good Men Project have a mission? In his article he asks, amongst other things, why are you here? I have to be honest and answer, I […]
[…] founder Tom Matlack posed the question: Does the Good Men Project have a mission? In his article he asks, amongst other things, why are you here? I have to be honest and answer, I […]
[…] comment was on Does The Good Men Project Have a Mission? The comment was by Matt […]
You need a clearer definition of “privilege.” Privilege is
1. Something feminists accuse ALL MEN of having, and
2. Something that only a tiny fraction of men ever get to take advantage of.
Just change it to “what women want”
rayhaus,
I’m glad to at least see an aknowledgement that their are Good Men. After being bashed by various
feminists (almost into oblivian) it’s nice to know their are other men that have had similar negative
experiences at the hands of “most women”.
One topic I have yet to discover is the radical “change” in a woman when she has menopause.
Glad to have TGMP to read and learn from!
What “change” do you mean?
PMS lasts for years instead of just a week every month.
You can’t generalize about that. It is the opposite for me. Menopause = PMS TOTALLY GONE!!! Yay!!! Things could not be better. I know lots of women like this. Some struggle like you say–certainly not all.
Please stop generalizing.
+1
Years (ok decades) ago, there was a comic strip named “Bloom County” one of the features of which were the male characters periodically parking themselves on the men’s couch either for idle chatter or for something more intense. I think GMP is that couch for me where I can laugh at the outrageous, shed a tear when I need to, talk back when I want to, and occasionally offer up a bit of wisdom acquired over the last 58 years. GMP is a forum for all of us who are still figuring things out.
I want to clarify that I meant in my comment above, “male hatred BY feminists” nor “of”. How I wrote it was unclear.
“gender feminists tend to see conventional masculinity as a pathology and the source of much of what is wrong in the world”
http://www.aei.org/docLib/20090108_ContemporaryFeminism.pdf
Does anybody else recognize that trend or is it just me? Is there something wrong with men having choices too? I’m like totally pro-choice, so I guess I’m the man in the middle.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5OdQGbVNa4
I’m here for the attention.
This is great.
I personally love the accessibility of the GMP – we don’t have to be professional writers to share our stories, and we are encouraged to provide feedback to those who are willing to pull back the curtains and let us take a look into their world. And the ability to see so many different perspectives on manhood and what being a ‘good man’ is really all about. There is, of course, no solitary answer to that question and the GMP does an amazing job of showing that.
I agree with Writer #2. I see the GMP forum as an opportunity to get away from the feminist view of men–i.e., blaming and shaming–and start looking at masculinity from the MALE perspective for a change. As something to be explored and understood, rather than complained about and corrected.
TGMP, for me, is a place to discuss the issues and challenges facing men, from an actual male perspective. As such, feminism has nothing to contribute to its discussions.
As such, feminism has nothing to contribute to its discussions.
The coach-and-horses that we antifeminists(whether equalatist through to mra) gallop easily through their feminist arguments, is instructive for the uncommited reader though
[…] Does The Good Men Project Have a Mission? It is beginning to feel, at times, like The Good Men Project has a bit of the Occupy Movement in us in the sense that we all know this is important, but we each have a different reason why. looks very different to someone who grew up as a skinny, feminine gay boy to whom “male privilege” was entirely withheld) either in articles or in the letters section–though it's great that readers express their views so freely. I love GMP and am so honored to be part of the team. […]
Awesome idea.
Yep, love this idea. I get really frustrated with all the diversion and deflection from reciprocal discussion cause by people trotting out studies, some of which are reputable and many of which really are not! It becomes the dance of the dueling studies, and it can be really challenging to respect them all equally when you do not believe they are equally reputable.
I feel that I have something to contribute to what can help men to be better, in a balance way, that lays approriate responsibility on men but doesn’t demonize them.
I love GMP and am so honored to be part of the team.
I do think that we need to do two things, and we’re doing them:
1. affirm what men are already doing right
2. challenge men where we still need to do better.
I try and do both, but I tend to do more of #2; Tom tends to do more of #1. But we’re all on the same team here, with the same fundamental goal: helping all of us understand men a little better.