As our children get older we tend to do more and be-with less, but is this optimal?
In my former parent coaching practice, I was often confronted by parents who struggled to find the right balance; “I don’t know how much to enrich him and how much to just be with him,” was something I heard often and especially from those who parented kids with learning differences and other special needs. Most kids with special needs are already being enriched through various therapies, after school activities, and perhaps even at school.
What kids need most, and frankly parents too is some downtime; time to be with their thoughts, to play, and to connect with their families in meaningful ways.
When our babies are first born we tend to focus on both their physical needs (diaper changes, feeding, keeping safe) and their emotional needs (holding, soothing, rocking). As they get older, however, and life gets busier, we naturally shift into more of the physical needs; driving them from here to there, feeding, bathing, policing their homework, and so on, while emotional needs tend to get neglected.
As we fall into our hurried-life routines, being-with is often replaced by doing-for and we all miss out on the rich, meaningful, and important connection necessary for healthy bonding and attachment.
Gloria DeGaetano, educator, author, and founder of the Parent Coaching Institute in Seattle, identifies basic but essential needs for all human beings that when not met, she says:
“keep us from blossoming into the rich, full individuals we are meant to be”. — Gloria DeGaetano.
A loving bond between parent and child is one such vital need for healthy emotional development. As kids become older and physically larger we may no longer rock or hold them as we once did, but such nurturing experiences are still crucial in supporting their social and emotional development and their capacity for empathy and emotion regulation. We must remember to build in time for simply being-with our children, of any age, and to create opportunities for bonding and nurturing through play, touch, or just being together in meaningful and emotionally enriching ways.
Find what works for you and your family and as always…find the balance!
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This post was previously published on A Parent Is Born and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Unsplash