I’ve always hated texting.
Not the physical act of typing, but of meeting a girl you like, sending that first message, sitting around, waiting, anticipation building, and as it goes unanswered for hours, days, excitement turns to annoyance, frustration, and then anger. It shouldn’t be this way, but it is. That’s the age we live in. The age of ghosting.
Until she replies. Then it’s all puppies and rainbows again.
So you text something else. You think it’s funny, or witty, and then she goes silent again. But this time, forever.
Often, the only thing separating you from a night of romance and your hand, is that stupid one am text that you should never have sent.
How To Be A Witty Texter
Here’s a real example of one of my texts that cost me a Netflix and chill date.
Her: “Wayne I’ve decided I want to come over and watch that show with you”.
Me: “Great. I’ll start training (Does 100 sit-ups)”.
I didn’t hear back from her for two days. Then finally she responded:
Her: “I’ve thought about it and decided that coming over isn’t the best idea. I’m sorry”.
Wait… what? So what’s with the 180 degrees? The only thing I could figure was that she thought my pushups comment was in reference for me preparing for sex. But how could I know? It was just a joke that had nothing to do with sex.
I should have just said “Okay. I’ll see you at 8”.
I’ve blown it so many times over text that I wrote my own rule:
Don’t try to be witty.
Don’t try to be witty over text messages.
BE witty. But don’t TRY to be witty.
How do you know when you’re “trying” to be witty? Because there’s that brief moment where you think “Oh, this is going okay? Maybe I should text something like… hmm, insert weird text.
If you have any doubt… your texts WILL be misinterpreted as weird, creepy, or just not make sense.
Most women won’t get the context of your humor.
If you’re going to attempt humor, you want to avoid sarcasm altogether. At least until you become more experienced.
Now, after you’ve met and slept with her, you can text anything you want. But until the
n, text as little as possible. The less you text, the fewer mistakes you can make.
As for humor, some girls especially if they’re younger, may not get the cultural references.
You: “You’re always at the beach. You’re just like porpoise”.
Her: “I’m not fat, creep”.
Yes, this actually happened to me. You can see why trying to be witty could hypothetically backfire. So no Pokemon jokes, Jurassic Park, or World of Warcraft. There’s exactly a 14.3 percent chance she’ll find you absolutely hilarious. But in the vast majority of cases, just assume she likes you and wants to meet up, as long as you don’t say anything “weird”.
Imagine you text something silly like, “I’m more excited than the first time I saw Justin Bieber!”
Now, obviously you don’t like Justin Bieber… or do you? In-person, you can roll your eyes and wink. Unless you send a voice memo, the only way to convey sarcasm is with a smiley. Smileys are just kinda… lame. Use them sparingly.
The Scan, They Share
Women are always scanning, analyzing your texts, with their friends, their co-workers, their mothers, asking “What does that mean?”
They want to know if you’re a stalker, psycho, serial killer, freak. They want any excuse to not meet with you. So don’t risk it all by texting dumb shit.
If you’re an experienced texter you’ll have many such tales of despair, of girls you almost got with and then lost.
Be Witty if You Dare
There are times that being witty can work. For example, I had one girl I’d been texting for several days but was unable to get her to meet me. At this point, I had nothing to lose:
Me: “Are we going to meet today? Because I actually put on pants for this”.
Her: “Lol! You tried. Okay, here’s the address”.
This brilliant text made her laugh, so she changed her mind. It was a desperate attempt to make a dead lead come alive, and it worked.
Imagine if I’d texted “I took off my pants for this.” It could imply I’m ready for sex, or she would just be confused by the meaning and think “This guy is weird.”
You should only use witty texts as a last resort. Always assume she’s into you, and why wouldn’t she want to meet up? If she seems into you, don’t mess it up by texting dumb shit.
She Doesn’t Get it = You’re Weird
If you must be witty, do so as a last resort, or for your own self-amusement. She doesn’t know what a comedic genius you are; all she knows is that dick joke was inappropriate, and you’re probably a creep.
I’m sure being too witty isn’t a problem for most of us. We just want to know what to text so that she’ll respond, and meet us for coffee. We think: “If I just had that witty text message, she’d laugh so hard, or be so intrigued, she’d hang out with me”.
Texting is a skill. But as a single dude, your focus should be meeting more single women, and texting them short, simple messages.
You: “I know this great cocktail place. Free at 8pm tonight?”
Simple, to the point. She says “Yes,” “No” or ghosts you. Now get outside and meet more women.
It’s just an idea. But one that may make your dating life a little bit easier.
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