We must’ve gone on at least 3 or 4 dates.
Movie nights. Coffee in town. Laying out in the grass and cuddling by that tree in the quad. We built up a reputation for dating. In passing people would ask me how he was. How much I was enjoying where we were. It all felt, I guess, a bit like magic.
So when he walked into my room that one morning after I got out of the shower and told me he didn’t want anything serious, I needed to sit down. My head spun. I mean, It really fucking pounded. Because if you’re going to invest this much in someone, you’d like to at least know it’s going somewhere.
I try not to make any assumptions. I try not to plan relationships in my head anymore and get far ahead of myself. But there’s also another problem.
There’s this issue with people up-and-leaving seemingly out of nowhere. When you just think you’re about to go deep, they run for cover. Men (in my case) who realize they’ve gotten themselves in the thick of it, put their tails between their legs and sprint out of your life.
It kinda makes you feel like a crazy person. Like you were too pushy and made them do things that they didn’t want to do. All while secretly knowing it wasn’t fair at all. That if they were feeling uncommitted they could’ve — Oh, I don’t know — made that clearer.
Communication skills are just exceedingly lacking. I’m not even going to say “nowadays” because I just think people are horrendous communicators in general.
In something as complex as a relationship, there’s no room for not sharing things. We put up these fronts on dates. The gorgeous dresses, the pressed shirts, and the oh-so-important first impressions. But that façade is always going to have to lift. We’re going to have to find out who that person is at their core. We’re going to have to learn how to be so blatantly obvious with them it actually feels a little mean.
I think about my family a lot. We’re extremely blunt with each other. We confront everything. If it’s on our mind, we’ll generally say it. And yeah, this is sometimes a little rude, but it also saves us from not sharing anything. We don’t have huge blow-ups. We put those fires out before they start.
I’d really like if more people I dated were willing to do that fire-fighting. Tell me clearly where they are, even if they’re unsure. Because at least then I don’t have to worry about that inevitable day where he knocks on the door, comes in and sits down.
Only to knock the air out of my chest.
Originally published on P.S. I Love You
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