Don’t Enter Your Next Relationship Without Knowing These 4 Things

“I can’t continue like this,” was what I told myself after one year of nursing a broken heart.
In 2014, I lost a seven years relationship with my high school sweetheart. I went through an existential crisis shit. I realized I didn’t understand love, relationship, or myself.

It takes a great fall to know where you stand. — Unknown

I fell— and I fell pretty hard.

After ten years of studies and personal experience, I learned the things that make relationships last.

If you just got out of a relationship and hoping to meet someone new, read this. If you’re already in a relationship, it’ll help to strengthen your relationship.

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Figure out why you’re dating?

This’s something most people don’t want to talk about. In fact, most people don’t think they should have a ‘why’ for dating. But you really should. If you want to avoid unnecessary drama and a shitload of assholes.

Most importantly, if you want to save your precious time and minimize having too many exes, your must find your ‘WHY’ for going into a relationship.

Having a reason for dating is to date for a purpose. That purpose gives your relationship a sense of meaning and direction. It’ll reduce your chances of ending up with timewasters and broken hearts.

Above all, keep in mind the popular phrase, “without purpose, abuse is inevitable.”

When people date without a purpose, they give themselves the wrong criteria for choosing a partner. When you hear criteria like, ‘she must be a blonde with blue eyes, or he must be tall and works out, chances are, such a person has no definite purpose for dating.

Purpose helps narrow down what it is you seek.

Write five flaws of yours that impact your relationships.

You may be wondering why do you have to write down your own flaws. I’ll explain!

It’s not about writing down your flaws. It’s about being aware of yourself. Self-awareness is key to the success of a relationship. And when I say self-awareness, I don’t mean self-consciousness. No.

To be self-aware means to have a good knowledge of yourself, attitudes, habits, and actions. Most importantly, how you impact those around you.

You and I bring our baggage into our relationships. The majority of people believe that the giant share of the problem in their relationship is their partners.’ But that’s not always true.

We all have flaws. It could be you have an ego problem that inflates your response to your partner’s wrongdoings, which often blows the entire situation out of wack. So while we may not be the instigator, we’re not entirely innocent.

This means, there’s work to be done on both sides — and not just on our partners alone.

So have a good understanding of your flaws. Knowing this, you can then be upfront with your partner, letting them know, ‘this is what it is.’ I’ll need your patience and understanding in this aspect.

Only date who you can marry.

Since we’re all for not wasting time and protecting our hearts, it’s wise you date only those you can envision yourself tying the knot with.

Not long ago, I came across a viral video of a girl rejecting her boyfriend’s proposal ring in public. It was a sad and heart-wrenching video to watch.

My first thought was, “why be with someone you can’t marry?”

What’s the point?

But a lot of people do. And the reason is that they don’t know why they’re dating in the first place. Take a look at your partner as you’re reading this, do you see yourself with them ten or fifteen years from now? If the answer is no, then ask yourself, what are you doing there?

Note five traits you can spend the rest of your life with.

A good way to streamline your dating pool is to make a list of the traits you can comfortably live with.

This is bearing in mind that no one is perfect. Including yourself.

We all come with our unique sets of flaws. Not everything about you is cute. Your smile might be cute, but your manner of approach might not. The same thing applies to our partner.

It’s not about selecting the perfect one. There’s no such thing. We all will compromise. We all will put up with some shits. However, you want to make sure your fundamentals are meant. These are your non-negotiables.

To ensure success in your next relationship, figure out the five traits you can spend the rest of your life with. It’ll increase your chance of finding a more befitting partner and a lasting relationship.

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I found that the secret to a lasting relationship is wrapped up in common sense.

It might not be easy, but it’s simple.

First, figure out what it is you’re looking for. That automatically tells you what you’re not looking for. Then you go from there.

The major reason why many (not all ), relationships fail is that they started either with no purpose or for the wrong reasons. And if you’re about to go into another relationship, this is your chance to date with a purpose.

And if you’re already in a relationship you feel is heading nowhere, apply these ideas to give it meaning and direction. Or it’ll help you find out if it’s the right relationship for you.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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