Don’t Get Angry, Get What You Want

Maybe you have had a difficult day at the office. You come home to find the dinner is not ready. You get angry, after all, you earn the money that buys the food. Or maybe the kids have been less than co-operative, the laundry hasn’t finished and your partner comes in and lacks sympathy so you get angry.

Usually, when we get angry at someone they respond in like. However, if we identify what we need or want, there is no need for the wasted energy of an angry exchange.

You can come home from work, and, realising that your partner’s day has been less than smooth, ask what you can do to free them up so that you can eat together. It might be distracting the children, or ordering some take-out.

If you feel frustrated that you are behind with chores you hoped would be done, and your partner gets home wanting to eat, you feel angry. Stop right there. Identify your need and what your anger is masking.

Try to take a breath and verbalize what you need. It could be “I have had such a hectic day. I didn’t realize the time. If you would take the children for a walk, I can start dinner. Or would you like a take out tonight?”

Communicating our needs helps a relationship to stay happy and strong. Anger chips away at relationships. Before you know it, anger is frequent and the laughter disappears. Once we can identify our feelings there is no need for anger. Negative energy is changed to positive improvements.

Next time you are frustrated try to think why. Then express it in language about yourself. Not “When you…” but “I feel…”. You will find you have a more content relationship and discover things about yourself that you had not noticed before.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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