Don’t Let a New Date Press an Old Button

Maybe you’ve had the experience; you are sitting across from a date and things are going well. All of sudden, they say something and it triggers an old wound.

You feel your energy shift from relaxed and curious to defensive and combative. Your body language and facial expressions give you away. You frown, scrunch your brows, maybe you even cross your arms or start planning your escape.

Sometimes, you can’t help it and you say something that you wish you can take back. Your “fight or flight” response kicks in and you cannot stop it.

Why does your date’s question or comment send you down a rabbit hole of bad memories and create a visceral reaction? What can you do to prevent this from happening again and ruining another date?

1. Stop and breathe. Take a second to sit with that rush of yucky energy.
2. Ask yourself, “What interpretations and assumptions am I making about what is being said?”
3. Remind yourself you are on a date with someone new. “New person, new rules”,  which gives you the choice to create new responses.
4. Practice kindness, forgiveness and compassion with yourself and your date.

Find a mantra that resonates with you and save it on your phone, tape it to your mirror or put it wherever you will see it. Read it before every date/interaction.

One of my favorite quotes around this is:

“Don’t give your past the power to define your future” –Anonymous

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Tired of dealing with unintended outcomes? I can help you to consciously choose your actions and create the things you most want to experience in dating, relationships and life.  Call for a FREE consultation.

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This Post is republished on Medium.

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