There are two things you shouldn’t stare at directly in this world: the sun and a person’s heart. The sun is too bright, and a person’s heart is hard to read.
The same goes for love. The biggest mistake you can make is testing your partner.
Don’t try to prove if your partner is worthy of your love. If they pass your test, it means you’re not good enough for them. If they fail, it means they’re not good enough for you.
No matter how much you’ve been through together, the moment you start testing your partner, you’re done.
A few years ago, I saw a video of a guy who was a rich kid. He pretended to be a regular guy to see if a girl really loved him.
They had been together for six years, from college to starting their own business. They were about to get married. But then the guy got this crazy idea.
He made a bet with his friend that the girl would pass his test. He had his friend secretly film the whole thing.
The guy told the girl that his family was sick and needed surgery. He said he needed $20,000. The girl was heartbroken and immediately called her dad. Her dad gave her all his money, including his retirement savings.
But after the girl hung up, the boyfriend told her it was all a test. The girl was devastated. She had given him everything she had, and all he did was test her?
No matter how much he tried to explain, she refused to accept his pointless test.
She said, “I don’t know how rich people live. I gave you what I could. I never even knew about your family. I don’t need you to give me anything. But you’re still doubting my love? I guess my whole life was wasted on you!”
The guy lost the girl he loved. He lost the only person who truly cared for him.
Even though he apologized to her online, they couldn’t go back. Their six years together were gone.
The comments on the video were full of people criticizing the guy and feeling sorry for them.
Testing is a red line in love. The moment one person starts to doubt the other, suspicion and trust issues will follow.
They say, “Doubt breeds suspicion.” Once doubt takes over, the relationship will end in disaster.
Many girls are naturally suspicious. They think their boyfriends are not paying attention to them or are going to cheat. So they create tests to check their boyfriends’ loyalty.
But if they pass the test, everyone is happy. If they fail, it’s a tragedy.
But how many people fail these tests because they’re caught off guard? How many people give up on their relationships after finding out the truth?
Many people don’t believe in the power of true love over time. They’d rather throw away years of effort for a single test. They think they’re the ones who got hurt, but they’re just making problems for themselves.
The most important thing in love is trust. Trust shows that you truly love and respect your partner. If they deserve your love, they will treat you the same way. If they don’t, you don’t need to test them. The problem will reveal itself.
My college friend, Girl’s Name, has been married for five years. She and her husband started from scratch. They didn’t have a lot of romance, just the daily grind of paying bills and making ends meet.
Even though they were doing well financially, she started to feel uneasy.
She noticed that her husband was hiding things from her. She thought he was doing something he shouldn’t.
So she started checking his schedule, his phone, and his spending records. She found two large deposits in the same account.
She thought he was cheating and was ready to get a divorce. But it turned out to be a misunderstanding. He was secretly planning a wedding for her to make up for all the years he hadn’t been able to give her a proper ceremony. He wanted to surprise her.
She was happy and relieved. She regretted being so suspicious and was grateful to have found the right person.
People are like that. You can feel that your partner loves you, but you don’t want to believe it. You make up all these impossible scenarios in your head and worry for no reason. You get upset and blame your partner for not understanding your feelings.
This type of behavior is called “avoidant attachment” in love psychology.
These people prefer to test their partner to confirm their suspicions. They don’t feel secure in their relationships. Their lack of security comes from a lack of self-confidence.
Especially in love, the person who loves the most is always in a weaker position. They are always afraid of losing their partner and afraid of being betrayed.
So they make up problems and blow things out of proportion. Even the smallest things seem like huge problems. It’s their inner insecurity talking.
Love can make people lose their minds. It can also make them more controlling and possessive. The most obvious sign is that they constantly need to be with their partner. They need to know where their partner is at all times and need to know all their friends.
They get jealous easily. They get angry easily. They cry easily. They get upset easily. But many of their worries are just in their heads. They aren’t real. But people who are deeply in love don’t listen to reason. They think their partner is lying or doesn’t love them anymore.
Some people say that love is like a dance. It should be comfortable and relaxing, not stressful or sad.
The key to keeping love comfortable is trust. Only with enough trust can you both have your own space.
Respect each other’s privacy and habits. Trust each other’s character and social lives. Care for each other without suspicion or doubt.
You can look at your partner’s phone, but you won’t because you respect them. You trust them. They’re happy to open up to you. They are ready for you. They know you understand. They respect and trust you just as much.
So in love, except for death or separation, nothing should break two people who truly love each other. Maybe some people are afraid of losing their hopes or afraid of what the future holds.
But enjoy the present moment. That’s the true meaning of life. At least you won’t regret this part of your journey. Let time work its magic and let each other protect your love.
Never let testing destroy your happiness. Love is fragile. If you doubt it, it won’t be kind to you.
Believe in yourself and believe in your partner. Leave everything to time and the future.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: frank mckenna on Unsplash
