Are you dreading Thanksgiving?
I used to.
The endless “pretending” to be happy when I wasn’t. I dreaded my stomach being in knots at the stupid family arguments. Being “nice” when I wanted to speak my mind. Not being appreciated in the slightest for all the work I put into dinner and hosting.
I dreaded company staying over and never leaving.
Every year I said to myself, “I can’t do this again…”
And this year, I’m not.
I’m out. I asked for a divorce. I don’t have to deal with my soon-to-be ex husband.
I can finally breath a sigh of relief. After 24 LONG years.
I’ll wake up on Thanksgiving to warmth under our white down comforter. My lover will cradle my head on his strong chest. He’ll whisper, “I love you, baby” into my hair. “I am so thankful for you.”
I’ll turn my face towards his and smile. It doesn’t matter what I look like or how my bad breath is. He is happy to be in this small apartment with me.
“Me too,” I’ll say.
I can’t remember my husband once saying those words to me in all the years we were married. Not once. It was “Hurry up and get going! You need to prep food.” No hug. Or kiss. Or even a “good morning.”
I’d trudge to the kitchen like it was a prison sentence.
He’d say, “Ask me if you need help,” yet if I did, it was on his terms. His way. I was doing “everything wrong.”
“You can’t do that!”
“Why do you have to make so much?”
“No one will eat that!”
“You put too much salt on it.”
“It’s stupid how much a production you make of things.”
“My family won’t eat it like that. Make a plain one for us.”
I’d vainly try to make everyone happy at my expense.
I’d beg to go out. “Can’t we just go to a restaurant to give me a break?”
“No way, that’s ridiculous!”
I used to breathe a sigh of relief when I was finally alone at home. I was thankful for THAT. I was thankful for my lover who had woken up something in me that I had forgotten I even had; hope.
Hope for change.
“Wherever you are is home,” my lover says.
And I feel the same way.
My life is a million times better already in less than six months of being separated. Even being alone. No one coming over. No friends even. No family. It’s a strange limbo-like place. But I don’t care.
I have joy, laughter and fun. Every single damn day. What I don’t have is endless criticizing.
The “shit show” of holidays of years past is done.
I’m thankful for that.
…
What are you thankful for? Tell me in the comments.
What I’m grateful for this Thanksgiving:
- for a lover who lights up my life
- for a soon to be ex
- for food I order in
- for sex
- for cuddling
- for no family coming over
- for Redditors who saved my sanity and are my inspiration
- for my readers
- for The Medium and Substack
…
This one was about my first affair partner:
I am Grateful for My Lover
Giving Thanks to Him
medium.com
Follow me at https://substack.com/@monalisasmile (it’s free and you know you want more of my misdeeds..)
Follow The Scarlett Letter, my publication for Adultery 101 (it’s where all the fun deviants are)
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Virginia Simionato on Unsplash
