You should have the willpower to keep it in your pants, until you’re both about to burst from excitement. A higher chance at feeling love is surely worth the wait?
I enjoy having sex.
More than that, I need to have sex. Not every day. Not even every week. Hell, I don’t even need to have sex every month. But once I hit that two-month mark, it becomes such a distraction that my work suffers for it.
But I struggle with finding the right person. I’m past the age of one-night stands. And I’ve come to learn that, though I may want to sleep with every beautiful woman in the world, the experience probably won’t be pleasant.
Sure, bad sex is still sex — life could be worse. But the more you sleep with the wrong women, the more you want to sleep with the right one.
Sex is all about sexual chemistry. And just because you find the other person beautiful or sexy doesn’t guarantee sexual chemistry.
In fact, some of the worst sexual experiences I’ve had in my life were with incredibly beautiful women. They’re beautiful. But without chemistry, the excitement isn’t there.
Contrary to popular belief, chemistry doesn’t spring out of nowhere. Yes, finding someone who solicits your immediately positive response is nice. But there’s more to it than just that.
Chemistry isn’t just about the physical. In fact, the most crucial ingredient is psychological chemistry. And that isn’t found; it’s created.
How “mentally sexy” you find someone is the difference between good sex and great sex.
And great sex turns into mind-blowing sex when both of you are turned on by each other’s mind.
But how do we create such powerful psychological chemistry?
There are several factors that affect how attracted you are to someone else, and these extend beyond the physical.
Rushing into sex almost guarantees that you’ll never be able to build up the necessary psychological/sexual tension needed to create the chemistry.
But if you wait, you have a chance at making this relationship your last relationship.
Waiting to have sex with your significant other may be hard, but it’s worth it. Here’s why:
Amazing sex requires a certain level of trust.
And, as I’m sure you know, trust takes time to develop. Only the naive trust strangers — and you never want to date someone who’s so naive.
Naive people in love fail to see reality. They stick to a fairytale understanding they’ve created for themselves. The relationship will inevitably fail.
Great sex is possible only when both people in the relationship feel comfortable enough to let go. They need to stop holding themselves back and instead tap into their natural, animalistic instincts.
The only way to get to this level of comfort is to build up trust. And that, my friends, takes time. There are no shortcuts.
Curiosity builds excitement.
And curiosity is sparked by complex and genuine interest.
How curious are you when you meet an attractive person? Very curious. How do you feel when you realize that the more you get to know the person, the more curious about him or her you become?
That’s what falling in love is. The more you get to know someone, the more you want to learn. While sexual intimacy is important, the focus must remain on the intimacy you’re building in conversation.
You need to get the other person excited. And you don’t do this through touch. Instead, prove that you’re unlike anyone this person has ever met before. He or she will want to get to know you on a psychological level.
The more complex this person’s desire becomes, the more excited you’ll both grow. And that’s when sex becomes incredible. If you rush to sex and skip this “foreplay,” the sex won’t reach its potential.
Mind-blowing sex requires mutual respect.
One of the main problems with rushing into sex is that it gives the idea that the relationship exists just for sex.
Could you ever truly respect someone who you believed was using you? No, you couldn’t. I hope not.
You both need to feel you’re treated well. You need to believe there’s a good chance you’ll end up together. The only way to do that is to take the time to get to know each other.
The thought that you might be using the other person for sex is very damaging. That’s not to say that he or she won’t be okay with this. But once the decision is made, it’s difficult to reverse.
You begin to look at each other differently, think about each other differently and approach the relationship differently.
Having sex too soon could kill the relationship before it even starts.
You want to find love in order to make love.
It’s not all about the sex.
Moving too fast could ruin a potentially beautiful thing. This is almost always the case. While hot, sweaty, dirty sex is a whole lot of fun, you eventually want to make love.
This isn’t to say that you want the first time you sleep together to be love-making — that’s waiting too long — but you want to make sure you both have an idea it could happen in the future.
Having sex too soon is the fastest way to kill the potential you have to truly make love. It kills the mystery. It makes you question the other’s intent. It makes your first time a little awkward and less than ideal.
To be completely honest, you should have the willpower to keep it in your pants. Keep it in there until you’re both about to burst from excitement, and I can guarantee that your chances at love will increase tenfold.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
By Paul Hudson
Photo credit: Getty Images