JJ Vincent explains what it’s like to be allergic to most “manly” foods.
When you live in a world where food is at the heart of almost all social gatherings – and most gatherings of guys involve meat and spicy things – having to ask questions, say no, and fend off pushy or obnoxious people is just part of the meal, like the piece of corn you can’t get out from between your teeth.
I have no cover of religion or conviction. I can’t blame my partners. And discussing my medical issues? To genuinely interested people, sure, but to the guys who are going to hassle me (and believe me, they do), I’m not interested. The “C’mon, just a little, it’s not that hot, I swear it’s not spicy, even my kid eats it, I thought you liked meat *wink, wink*” gets old. Some guys just walk away from “the weirdo.”
I can’t eat beef, pork (a little bit of bacon is okay), or dark meat poultry. Can’t eat eggs or mayo. Can’t eat beans. No soda. Onions and garlic are off the-menu. Allergic to peppers, so forget about salsas and most sauces (hold the red pepper, real name cayenne). Allergic to the other pepper, the ground black stuff sprinkled on pretty much anything that sits still. Limited on potatoes and raw veggies in any form. No avocados.
Let’s do the man-food math. No steaks, no brats, no burgers, no sausages, no sausage balls, no weenies-in-sauce, no turkey legs, no hot dogs, no omelets, no Italian, no salsa and pretty much no Mexican, no chili, no lumberjack-sized potatoes, no onion rings, no soft drinks, no BBQ. Gluten-free would be easier. It may be trendy, but at least it’s familiar.
Spontaneity in dining goes right out the window. Eating in a restaurant means doing my research beforehand, asking questions of the server, or requesting alterations. Eating party food means asking who made what and what’s in it. Eating with jokers means I’m risking spiked food. And all of these, if I’m with unfamiliar people, means I’m probably going to get grilled. Allergic is not seen as masculine. Neither is taking tiny portions at a “Stuff Yer Face” buffet until you figure out what hides your personal poisons.
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“Eat like a man,” in the South, often involves plates weighed down with salads, slaws, and slabs of ribs. Between meals, the chili-heads scorch their throats and beg for more. There is nothing that can’t be battered and fried. You really can get a deep-fried steak and bacon-biscuit covered in pepper gravy for breakfast.
“Eat like a man” often means grilling and smoking by guys who are deeply (and rightfully) proud of their skills and secret sauces, spice rubs, marinades, dexterity with a mop, and an uncanny ability to tell when the meat is done with the push of a finger. Refusing their offerings can be interpreted as deeply insulting, regardless of the reason. Praise of the items and the person’s cooking don’t go far.
And if you say no often enough, or are perceived as difficult, those invitations dry up.
“Sorry, we would have asked you, but you can’t eat anything.”
“Oh, didn’t think to ask you, there’s so much you can’t eat.”
“Oh, you wouldn’t have liked it. Nothing for you there.”
“It was all meat and stuff.”
Or “Where are we going for lunch today?,” the conversation that happens five feet away, everyone being careful not to look at you.
Not being able to eat like a man makes you less of a man to so many people. And being the only one at the steakhouse table with a salad, or the only one at the bowling party with just a pretzel, or the guy who asks for “No seasoning on the meat, no mayo or onions, and fruit instead of fries” just makes you the odd man out.
There are plenty of guys who will suck up a food dislike to fit in, and bravely bolt down 10 hot wings. Some of us don’t have that option. “Man up and eat” isn’t a matter of taste for or attitude for men like me. It’s a matter of life or death.
Photo via woodley wonderworks/flickr
Dear John, maybe its that pesticide thing, and maybe not. Had I been born 50 years earlier, I would have died of anaphylactic shock before my first birthday because of my food allergy. Hadn’t my mom being a RN and the hospital 20 minutes away, I wouldn’t have survived. So maybe kids with severe allergies in the past simply didn’t make it to their adult lives, and possibly their real cause of death wasn’t found.
After reading your article I can’t help but wonder if it is time we as a society have to try and find out where all these allergies are coming from.Not just the one you have (which are many) but from the deathly nut allergies , scent allergies etc. I am old (50+) and I can’t remember a single case in my high school or middle school of someone so allergic to something that we could even have it on our breath for fear of killing them. Is it possible the overuse of pecticides OR perhaps even the overuse of ‘cleaner’.… Read more »
Hi John. I’ve wondered the same thing myself. My issues are combo allergy and digestive and I’m almost 40, and my parents were not lysol-crazy. I wonder if current rates of allergies reflect more recognition and diagnostics. A child who always had the sniffles or a cough or got weird rashes and is now 45 (roughly our age) and was just just thought to be sickly might have had allergies no different than a child now, except now they are recognized and treated. Or might it have anything to do with more or less filtered air/water, more time spent inside,… Read more »
Thank you for sharing this. I do not know many people with this many food allergies but I feel your struggle. Good luck in your eating. Ever thought of creating cuisine for others like you? I’d be willing to help you with that. I am not a nutritionist but I am a good cook.
Hi, gkrew. I try whenever I can to cook my food for other people. I’m very fond of vinegars, salts, herbs, oils, squashes, dried/dehydrated veggies, things that give flavor that people might not expect. I always ask about other’s sensitivities. But you’d be amazed at what a little imagination can do. I still make a no-chili salsa that even though I can’t eat it anymore, people love, and they SWEAR it’s hot. It’s because they are not used to fresh smashed raw garlic with the juice mixed with salt and lime (and tomatoes and raw red onion).