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By Eric Santos
Confidence is the key to becoming successful at pretty much anything in life. This includes approaching women, giving a killer presentation, and starting a business–just to name a few. Reason being that women want to date guys who are sure of themselves, people only want to listen to presenters who sound like they know what they’re talking about, and investors only want to invest in companies run by competent leaders.
Confidence is not necessarily something we are born with, but definitely something everyone can obtain. I had very little of it when I was younger, but through various stressful experiences and interactions, I was able to gain greater faith in myself. Many times I am asked, “How are you so confident?” Truth be told, although I’m a very self-assured guy, I exude even more confidence than I really have. Here is how you can come off as ridiculously confident, even if you aren’t…yet.
Dress Sharp
Guys who are insecure often worry about “over-dressing,” while confident guys never fear such a thing. These men understand that dressing sharp is a way to project power, and so are not concerned if people think they’re trying too hard or not. You should always strive to be one of the best dressed men in the room. Fitted clothes reflect maturity and style. But be sure to learn the difference between dressing sharp and dressing flashy.
Speak Well
The ability to speak clearly and assertively is a sign of confidence. If you are doing it correctly, then you shouldn’t have to repeat yourself often, but also make sure you don’t come off as overly “loud.” Be concise. Rambling only makes you sound unsure of the subject of discussion. While you should do your best to expand your vocabulary, you should also be selective about which words you use.
Unapologetic Body Language
Many times your body language can say more about your confidence level than any form of verbal communication. Always make eye contact; not looking someone in the eye shows insecurity. Walk confidently and maintain good posture. Give firm handshakes and tight hugs. Lastly and most importantly, smile. The way you literally carry yourself can exponentially increase how much confidence you project.
Don’t Come Off As Inexperienced
Never let your inexperience show, even when you are. The first time you get in the end zone, act like you’ve been there before. If you’re dating a girl who’s totally out of your league, act like you’ve dated plenty of women like her. When a client asks if you can deliver on something you don’t exactly know how to do, say you can deliver and learn how. There is nothing wrong with a little “faking it till you make it.” Just work on learning how so you really can deliver on your promises.
Brag Humbly
Arrogant guys brag excessively. Confident guys do it just enough, and they do it humbly. If you have an accolade that you want to mention in a conversation, ask a leading question that will introduce the topic. You want to talk about your awesome job? Ask the person of interest what they do for a living so that they can ask you the question in return. I like to say that I’m not bragging, I’m simply answering questions.
Listen More Than You Talk
Talking too much is a sign of arrogance and/or insecurity. Listening more than you speak projects confidence for two reasons 1.) You’re confident with your word choices and don’t need to say too much 2.) You’re confident enough to let the other person speak without having to immediately jump in. Be careful to not be too quiet; if you don’t speak enough you may come off as hesitant or scared. Say enough to make your point and nothing more.
Close The Deal
Whether you’re approaching a woman at a bar or you’re making a sales pitch, always try to close the deal. Or else, what’s the point? I’ve seen too many of my friends successfully approach a woman but get too nervous to ask them for their number. I’ve received terrible sales pitches where they didn’t even try to make a sale. If you approach a woman, ask her out to dinner. If you’re giving a sales pitch, ask them how much they want to order.
Failure Is Ok, But Only After You Have Tried
Whenever you go to close the deal, you should act as if failure isn’t an option. Of course we all fear it, but we sure don’t have to show it. When I’m out and I ask a woman to dance, I act as if I’m already sure they will say “yes” (and of course, if they say “no”, I exit gracefully). And if you’re in a job interview, act like there is no candidate better for the job. Failure will be always be a possibility, however it’s much more likely to happen if you let it be an option.
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This article originally appeared on AskMen. For more like this from AskMen, try:
5 PIECES OF ADVICE FROM THE WORLD’S MOST SUCCESSFUL MAN
WHY NICE GUYS FINISH LAST – IN THEIR CAREERS
HOW SKYDIVING IN VEGAS CHANGED MY LIFE
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This article adds little value
You need to add…
Be fake
Learn nothing from your failures… (you know.. since failure is not an option)
…rename the article, “8 Things You Can Do To Be Completely Inauthentic and Pretend You Are Somebody Other Than Yourself” by Insecure Uncertain
Not to mention the implications and objectification of the term “out of your league”
COME ON GMP!!! I expect better of you! “If you’re dating a girl who’s totally out of your league, act like you’ve dated plenty of women like her.” Right, so I am supposed to lie to the person whom I share some of my closest connections with. If I am already dating her (as in more then one dates) then it is assumed I am close enough with her that she will understand I am an imperfect human. If this is a deal breaker its her problem and not mine. I have not not had much success dating women until… Read more »
I get the impression you didn’t read this article correctly. It’s not about lying or being inauthentic. The odds of an attractive woman asking you if you’ve dated other attractive women is very low. When most men date very attractive women for the first time, they usually stumble and fall. Usually because they don’t think they are good enough for this girl, or don’t think they are attractive enough. Which of course is only a matter of confidence. What the author is saying is ‘If you are confident enough with yourself that her higher than average looks don’t affect how… Read more »
Thank you for this post. I was about to type something similar. You saved my time 🙂
I like this article. The writer is a young guy, and you can tell, but that doesn’t mean he’s not making some good sense. On his bio he pronounces that he’s about “winning at dating and life”. For a 20-something dude, those two are hard to separate. “Exude confidence so you can “win”, even if its inauthentic. As a man matures, authenticity becomes a more cherished value. “Closing the deal” is a turn off to more mature women , and mature folks who are peering into you for sincerity. Because at a certain point, we all know alot of it… Read more »
Greg, I like what you’re saying, but I disagree with one point. “Closing the deal is a turn off to more mature women…” In my experience (dating in my mid 30’s), “closing the deal” was a MAJOR attractant for the emotionally mature women I was seeking. As I noted above, “closing the deal” has nothing to do with sex… but emotionally mature women in their 30’s who are smart and know exactly what they want (and aren’t afraid to get it) really appreciate a man who doesn’t waffle around but instead takes charge and “closes the deal” in whatever way…… Read more »
Wow because there’s nothing chauvinistic about a guy ‘faking it till he makes it’ with this woman he does not know and is now pressured to ‘close the deal’ with? Doesn’t this guy have any women in his social network? Does every woman he meets have to be an object of conquest? This article resonates obselete attitudes on so many levels, why is there nothing about a confident man having strong friendships and support, or family ties, or anything in his life that actually gives him the right or ability to have confidence instead of ‘faking’ it? I thought this… Read more »
@ Ted I had reservations about some of the advice too, but reading the article as a whole, it seems that the author is pertaining this to life in general not just attracting women or trying to get a job, etc. For example, I would have disagreed with this except that there are times where it might be appropriate and may actually be appropriate more times than not. “You should always strive to be one of the best dressed men in the room. Wear fitted clothes that reflect maturity and style. But be sure to learn the difference between dressing… Read more »
Ted, I can see why you have reservations about “closing the deal” with women and the chauvinism that implies. But I think you’re reading a little too much into what he’s saying. Let me illustrate from a different angle. I was raised in a *very* feminist household, where my mom was definitely in charge. This did two things. First (and for the good), it taught me how to treat a woman as part of the Golden Rule. Second (and for the bad), it severely stunted my dating life. I was really unsuccessful at dating until my mid 20’s. Eventually I… Read more »
I think what the author meant by “closing the deal” is don’t have a good interaction with somebody and then chicken out and not ask for their number or ask a prospective client if they want to purchase their wares. I know there is advice out their that is crappy and manipulative but I don’t see this as that, getting a girls # or asking if she would like to have a drink with you is not a social contract for anything more than getting to know eachother better and letting them know your interested.
Ted – I did not read this to be about picking up women at all, this is about how to be and be seen as successful and in making a sale. I am the COO of a moderate sized company (~$2B) and even I appreciate these tips. Generally I do most of these naturally, but I often forget to smile & probably talk too much.
A salesman once told me that once you closed the deal stop talking because anything else you say can only lose the deal for you.