Kids complain even after going on a super cool ride, getting an amazing gift, or having a delicious ice cream. And how do we respond? We complain too, sounding almost like them.
“All you do is complain, with everything I did to…”.
We resent the fact that our efforts are not being valued, and we have the desire to please.
Children complain because they are children. They don’t need an emotional consortium. They need parents who are willing to communicate effectively with them, without seeking recognition all the time.
We don’t always know what to do. And that’s fine, the important thing is to be aware of our intentions, and to know where to find information, and where to come back to.
It’s okay to complain. It’s okay to not like things. It’s okay to not want something.
Try to understand what is behind your discomfort.
I once met a successful businessman, who told me about the emotional moment — the inflection point — that shaped his attitude towards frustration. Let’s call him John.
Little John was the son of a salesman. Every day his father would leave early for work and often come home late, when little John was already asleep.
On a summer Friday, John insisted that his father come home early because he wanted to have an ice pop with him. John spent the entire day looking forward to the time his father promised him he would be home. By the end of the day, dinner was already over and his father hadn’t arrived.
John went to bed feeling very sad and frustrated. When his father arrived without the ice pop, John was already asleep.
Over the years, this feeling was evoked in different situations of John’s life. Many of his relationships ended in deep frustration. And that was because John, now an adult, developed the habit of getting involved in situations that would cause him to feel that frustration again.
He would repeat this behavior at work, with his family and his children. On the one hand, this feeling led him to become a great businessman, but on the other hand, it was really hard for him to maintain lasting relationships and create moments of joy with his children.
When finding this emotional moment, this inflection point, John finally understood this habit, which enabled him to change his perception of frustration.
Many philosophers talk about language and emotions. John Locke, for example, explains that throughout life we develop concepts (assign meaning to things) according to our perceptions. In other words, we learn and assign meaning based on how we understand the world around us.
Simple examples help us understand that: some associate the concept of COLD with the pleasure of having an ice pop, others associate it with suffering and shivering; for many, FAMILY can mean positive things, celebrations and partnership, but for a significant portion of the population, it can mean trouble, conflicts, fear, psychological or physical abuse, violence and other complicated issues.
The practice of understanding the meaning you assign to things and your perceptions of the world can be applied to everything, such as what it means to be a father, to be a mother, to have a family.
Understanding who you really are, who is behind the masks you’ve worn in life, is key to your transformation as a parent.
Asking yourself ‘Why?’ ’‘What for?’ ‘How?’ will help you understand how you behave in different situations. Your children have great human value and you are an important facilitator of their development as human beings and the strengthening of their emotional intelligence.
Please, share this text with someone you admire, someone you value, and together let’s change the lives of many people!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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